


Trouble me

by paperduck



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Coming of Age, M/M, See chapter notes for more, Slow Burn, coming to terms with one's sexuality, slight warning for homophobic subtones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:47:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28796385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperduck/pseuds/paperduck
Summary: This story provides glimpses into Alex's and George's moments with each other; developing feelings, self-doubt and obstacles thrown in their path by people close to them, situations that almost lead to the next step. Slow-burn spread across several years.Will they overcome their fears? Can there be a happy end for them?
Relationships: Alexander Albon/George Russell, Charles Leclerc/George Russell, George Russell/omc
Comments: 26
Kudos: 68





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome.  
> This is my first story in the F1 RPF fandom, I was a little hesitant to actually write it, but these ideas needed to be out of my head (because they kept showing up at work).  
> I tried to use what facts I could find and tweak and twist them in my favour. Obviously this is a work of fiction and I know nothing about real events/the people I'm borrowing for this.  
> I will focus very strongly on inter-personal relationships and not at all on racing.  
> I tagged this as ‘coming of age’, but everyone’s going to be legal adults in this story. 
> 
> Title is borrowed from the 10.000 Maniacs song which, in my head, is Alex’s theme song. Whoops.
> 
> Many thanks for corrections, support and encouragement to @RFR1509, @kpatyy and @sufferingcereal . This would not be here without your help. <3
> 
> And now: let’s get started.

“You don’t need to call every time you want to drop by, man, you have a key!” Alex laughed, phone held against his ear. “Also, I hope you’re not driving.”  
“You’re on speaker, and I can’t just pop into your house unannounced,” George gave back.  
“Yes, you can!” Alex insisted. “I told you. Like, a hundred times!”  
“But what if you’re not there?” George asked.  
“Well, that’s what you have the key for, idiot. Just play video games or whatever, talk to mom, play with my brother so I don’t have to.”  
“You sure you don’t mind me hanging out in your room?”  
Alex shook his head, then exhaled loudly and said, “I wouldn’t offer it if I didn’t mean it. So, when will you be here?”  
George quickly checked his watch, “Twenty minutes tops.”  
“See you then.” Alex disconnected the call.  
Sometimes he just didn’t get it. George spent more time at his place than at his own apartment, which was understandable – Alex couldn’t imagine living alone just yet either. And if they had a spare room in the house, George would probably have moved in by now. Alex knew his mother always cooked enough that George could eat with them anyways. It was also rather unlikely for George to arrive before Alex did with the amount of hours he spent around the factory or track where he bothered everybody into explaining every minor detail with his nice manners and honest curiosity.  
How could it be that the same person who walked up to Toto Wolff at a party with the biggest self-assurance to chat with him about his possible future at Mercedes, would be too shy to ask if he could use the bathroom the first three times that he had visited Alex’s home? But maybe that was why they got along so well. Because he was a regular person with insecurities underneath all that bravado on track and off.

“Are you certain though, that you don’t mind?” George asked.  
He sat cross-legged on Alex bed next to him, both looking at a motorsport magazine together, their knees touching because there really wasn’t that much space. This used to be easier when they were younger, and more precisely smaller. Neither of them minded though.  
“I swear I will hit you if you ask me one more time!” Alex bumped his shoulder against George’s.  
“I just want to make sure…” George began but was cut off when a pillow connected with his face.  
“I warned you!” Alex exclaimed.  
George stared at him for a moment in disbelief.  
So Alex attacked with the pillow once more. This time George managed to raise his arm in time.  
They grappled with each other over the pillow, laughing whenever they managed to score a hit. Crumpling the magazine, kicking the cover off and sending a half-empty water bottle rolling across the room when it tumbled off the night stand. All in all, they made quite a bit of noise.  
There was a knock on the door. “Boys, it’s late.”  
“Sorry,” they called out at the same time, then burst into a fit of giggles. 

*

“Why are you so nice to me though?”  
Alex looked at George, who was lying with his head on Alex’s thigh, legs stretched out on the sofa, feet sticking out over the armrest. Alex’s hand was buried in George’s hair trying to get him to relax. “What do you mean?”  
George lifted a hand making a circle gesture. “All of this. You don’t have to do any of it, yet… I get it all. I mean, do I ever give something back to deserve this?”  
Alex took the remote and muted the TV. “George, what’s wrong with you today? You are my friend, you don’t have to earn this or anything.”  
George picked at the seam of his shirt. “I just feel bad, I guess, still bitching about not getting a podium a week after, while you patiently tell me that it was only the first race weekend and so on, over and over…. Don’t you get tired of me?”  
“No. I get it. Don’t forget how many times it was the other way round,” Alex reminded him.  
George looked at him thoughtfully. “I only remember me complaining… I just don’t want to be a bother.”  
“Mate, have you seen how many women live in this house? You are the one person keeping me sane!” Alex insisted.  
This made George laugh a little.  
“No, seriously, even if this sounds sappy as hell, I love having you around, I’m glad you even consider me a friend.” Alex turned his face towards the window. Maybe this had been a little too much to say.  
George sat up so he could look at Alex properly. “Are you okay? Why wouldn’t I be your friend? You are amazing, if anything I am the lucky one!”  
Alex looked at George and they held each other’s gaze for a moment, then Alex started grinning.  
“Look at us, being idiots,” Alex laughed. “Next thing you propose.”  
George laughed along, “Well, I can imagine worse things than spending the rest of my life with you.”  
“I can’t!” Alex told him, grinning broadly.  
George covered his heart with one hand, making a very dramatic face before sinking sideways into the backrest. “And here I am ready to give you my heart and you just murder me.”  
Alex reached out to pat his head, “I am certain you will survive.”

*


	2. Unexpected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is meant for entertainment.   
> It’s not real, I don’t try to be mean to anyone, I’m just trying to tell a story.   
> That being said, I guess the first part comes with a trigger warning of parents being unsupportive and manipulative. It’s meant to be uncomfortable, but as a necessary story element, I decided to keep it in.   
> Please proceed carefully if you think this might not be good for you (you can skip forwards towards the * and read from there).

They stood in the kitchen, somehow George had for once actually managed to arrive earlier than Alex, but he thought he remembered Alex saying that he needed to get something on the way. But by now, after half a year of spending most of his free time with Alex’s family, George wasn’t intimidated anymore to be around the house on his own. For the last ten minutes, he had watched Alex’s mother cook. His offer to help had been declined, and they had talked about his day.  
“George, can I ask you something?”   
The one addressed looked up from the bowl Alex’s mom had just placed in front of him and nodded automatically.   
“Are you gay?”  
George just stared at her for a moment, wide-eyed and panicking slightly. Had he said something to bring on this question, or had he done something? “I…” well, what was he going to say ‘I don’t know, maybe, yeah, I think I could be’? He had asked himself the same question, but without coming to a definite conclusion. “Uh…”  
“Never mind, it doesn’t matter.”  
For a moment George felt a flicker of hope, but it was extinguished immediately.  
“It’s not my problem but your parents’, isn’t it? I don’t care if you are, but,” she fixed George with a stare and he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. “Don’t get any ideas into Alex’s head, hm, he can’t know about these… things. He is going to marry a nice girl and give me grandchildren, do you understand?”  
George wanted to protest that this was not how it worked. But he felt overwhelmed by the situation so he just nodded, staring at her. He had never seen her look quite so stern.  
“Promise me, that you will never tell Alex.”  
Like a robot George nodded again, lips pressed tightly together - as if he could argue his case with her if he tried and had to stop himself.  
Alex's mother gave him bright smile. “Very well.” She turned around to fill another bowl.  
“Do you want to take that to Alex’s room? He should be here any moment.” She pointed at the second bowl she had placed on the counter next to his. As if they had held a normal conversation about the weather.  
“Yes, thanks,” George said and hastily picked up both bowls and retreated from the kitchen as fast as he could without spilling the food.

What George hadn’t noticed was that while they were talking, Alex had returned and listened to their conversation. And Alex had a hard time stopping himself from intervening. He knew it would ultimately make the situation worse. Maybe it would result in his mother refusing to have George around their house whenever he liked, and Alex really didn’t want to risk that. He had to admit to himself while grinding his teeth that he was also a little scared to confront his mother about it though.   
He knew he should tell George that he had eavesdropped but wasn’t sure his friend was ready to talk about that topic. Alex stood in the hallway for a few more minutes, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do now. Then he dropped his keys onto the sideboard and slipped out of his shoes, calling out that he was home. He quickly crossed the kitchen and gave his mother a smile but hurried on to his room, ignoring the question she threw after him.  
George sat on the floor, holding the bowl between both hands and stared into it.  
“Hi?” Alex said.  
George looked up, only now noticing him. The smile he gave his friend looked a little strained.   
“What’s up, not hungry?” Alex asked. He sat down on his bed and slipped out of his jacket.   
With a shrug George pointed at the other bowl, “there’s one for you, too.”  
“If you’re not hungry right now, how about a game and I put them in the microwave later?” Alex suggested.  
“Aren’t you hungry?” George wondered.  
“Nah, not that much,” he lied and got up to start the console and switch on the TV.  
Half an hour later Alex paused the game, both their stomachs could be heard over the noise of the game by then. Alex had noted how George had visibly relaxed and started smiling again. So he got up, took their bowls and went into the kitchen. Usually, George would accompany him, insisting he was helping even though Alex of course was perfectly able to carry two bowls or plates or whatever it was on his own. Today he didn’t even offer. Alex sighed while he waited for the microwave to heat their dinner, he hoped this wasn’t going to affect him permanently. 

*

Alex stood in the garden, the sun was setting on an unseasonable warm spring day. He was watering the plants and was really bored. But he couldn’t actually complain, since he was away so often his siblings had to take over his chores most days - so he really couldn’t bail out when he was home. He let his thoughts drift while he watched the clouds turn orange and pink.  
“What has that bush done to you that you try to drown it?”  
Alex was startled back into reality. While he jerked his head towards the person addressing him, he managed to drag the jet of water right across his trainers.  
George tried to stay serious, which he managed for exactly three seconds before he broke into laughter.   
“Yeah well, very funny,” Alex grumbled. His feet felt weird and uncomfortable in the drenched shoes. But he had to admit that it had probably been rather funny. He would have laughed, too, had it been the other way round. Which brought him to an idea.  
George was bending over with his hands on his thighs. “You have to admit that it is though,” be barely managed to get out through fits of laughter.  
“It is funny,” Alex admitted while he moved towards a row of hedges, closer to his friend. George didn’t know that Alex had already passed them, did he? “Although not as funny as you make it out to be,” he added casually. Taking another few steps closer.  
“Oh, absolutely. You should have seen your face, mate,” George looked directly at him.  
That’s when Alex made his move and turned the hose towards George. Who did not realise what was happening before the water hit him.   
George gave out a squeal and tried to move out of the way. But Alex followed him relentlessly. After a few seconds George realised that first, he couldn’t win this and second, he could not actually get any wetter so he turned around and rushed at Alex instead.  
Alex immediately retreated, the jet of water still pointed at George in defence. “You think you can get me, do you?” he called out. “Well, you can try!”  
Both were laughing like idiots when George tried to grab the hose. Alex didn’t care that he was also already drenched by the spray that was caused in their fight. This was not about staying dry, it was about pride and winning the battle. At the moment George had taken hold of the hose they were interrupted when the water suddenly turned off.  
“I think that’s quite enough, yes?”  
Alex looked at his mother across George’s shoulder. “Sorry Mom!”   
“Don’t get the house dirty when you come in,” she said and walked back in, closing the terrace door behind her.   
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to get you in trouble,” George said, abruptly serious.   
Alex rolled up the hose and left it on a hook on the wall. “Never mind, after all, I started it.”  
George shrugged. Then shivered. “Well, you could have simply asked me to take the shirt off, you know…” he grinned.  
Alex shook his head exasperated, “This is what you take away from this?” He would of course rather die than admit that he wouldn’t mind if George indeed took his shirt off. Although the wet white shirt clinging to him wasn’t actually too bad to look at either.   
George ran his hand through his wet hair, pushing the bangs away from his forehead. “I am good at reading between the lines.”  
In an attempt to not stare, Alex looked at George’s face instead. Which was also wet, drops of water clinging to his eyelashes and gathering along his upper lip. So much for not staring. “The only thing you can read is a picture book,” he snapped. Then grinned at his friend’s offended face. Well, at least it kept the unwanted thoughts at bay.  
George shivered again.  
“Let’s get into dry clothes before you catch a cold, shall we?” Alex wrapped one arm around George’s shoulder and walked him towards the entrance door.

George sat on Alex’s bed wrapped in a bathrobe and tried not to watch Alex change his shirt and sweatpants. He didn’t have much else to distract him though. He knew he shouldn’t watch. He felt like he was forbidden to be in the same room now. It had never been a problem to change in the same room. But somehow he thought it wouldn’t be deemed right. George still shivered, the room was pretty cold.   
He was also worried that Alex would get in trouble with his mother. George had not looked at her, but she had sounded a lot angrier about it than the incident demanded. It had been fun, but now he felt bad, as if he had done something indecent… he felt like he was on probation, every time she looked at him since that talk a few weeks ago.  
“Hey, what’s up?” the bed dipped as Alex sat down.   
“I feel bad about it, really.”  
“Ah come on, man, don’t worry!” Alex patted his leg. He then dropped a few clothes into George’s lap. “Get dressed, I’ll make tea.”

*


	3. Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's two more scenes with very different moods, hope you'll enjoy them.

Alex dropped onto his back on his bed. The sound of paper rustling under the mattress made him roll his eyes and he despised himself for a moment. He really needed to find a better hiding place for that stupid magazine.  
Not for the first time, he regretted even acquiring it.  
He knew George would tease the living daylight out of him if he ever found it. Not for the magazine itself, probably, but if he ever found out how Alex had gotten hold of it. Alex’s brilliant plan had been to walk into that shabby little kiosk, grab the next best porn magazine, march up to the counter and just buy it. He was 21, for God’s sake, he was not only allowed to buy those stupid things, he was expected to do so by society.  
He couldn’t do it. He had walked up and down the aisle for at least ten minutes like the idiot he was. And then he surprised himself not by buying it but by just shoving it into his bag and cold-bloodedly buying a bag of crisps and a bottle of water before unhurriedly leaving.  
And then, for all his trouble, he found the magazine completely dull and uninspiring and his bad conscience would have kept him from enjoying it anyway. So Alex walked by the kiosk the next day, before they opened, and threw a 5£ note into their letter box.  
Since then, the magazine was moving its hiding place around his room. He couldn’t just bin it because his mother would certainly find it and he was the only likely culprit, wasn’t he? But throwing it away somewhere outside meant he would have to carry it around and take it out of his bag in public. That was out of the question.  
Alex climbed onto a chair and pushed the magazine onto his wardrobe. Checking that it certainly could not be seen from the ground from anywhere.  
“Hiding something?” George asked, sounding amused.  
Alex almost pushed over the chair in his surprise. “What? No. I thought I saw a moth or something.”  
George chuckled. “Right.”  
Alex knew his face was probably glowing but he refused to give in.  
George flopped down onto Alex’s bed, crossing his arms behind his head and closing his eyes. Alex hated that the pose made George’s shirt ride up and leave half his stomach visible. No, what Alex hated was the fact that he couldn’t not look.  
“Bad day?” Alex asked.  
George opened his eyes, then sat up again. “No, just a little boring,” he said.  
“Yeah, mine too.”

Later that evening George kept stealing glances at Alex while they were watching TV. It was a re-run of some crime show, that he had probably seen a few times already. Or something like it, the conclusion of the episode’s mystery was way too obvious. Also, looking at his friend was more entertaining than most things, lately. George’s eyes widened when he suddenly realised exactly what was going on. “Shit!” he cursed under his breath.  
Alex immediately turned to him, looking worried, “What happened?”  
“I… just remembered something… I forgot,” he said lamely.  
Alex looked at him, waiting for him to clarify, but George waved his hand, dismissing it.  
“I think I should go,” George said.  
“What, now?”  
“Yes…”  
“George, it’s almost eleven, why would you leave now?”  
“I mean… I can’t always stay here.”  
Alex reached out and covered George’s arm with a warm hand. It felt like it was burning through his skin, but George resisted the impulse to jerk his arm away.  
“Yes, you can. And it’s pouring outside, I will not let you drive back if it’s not really important,” Alex told him sternly. “Is it really important?”  
‘Yes,’ George thought, ‘I need to be away from you before we both regret it’. “No.”  
Alex smiled and turned back towards the TV.

*

George woke up with a start. His heartbeat was just that bit too fast to not wonder if something had happened. He listened into the night to locate any sound that might have woken him up. It was still dark outside and a glance at the digital clock told him it was half past three in the night. He felt a little disorientated and wondered what had he could have heard – was someone walking down the corridor, a cat outside the window trying to get in, a car starting on the street beyond the garden? For a long moment the room was quiet, the only sound being Alex’s breathing. And while George listened he noticed that it sounded a little too irregular to lull him back into sleep.  
George sat up to look at his friend, now feeling slightly worried. There were some mumbled words - was Alex talking in his sleep? He couldn’t understand him, but he sounded really distressed.  
Determined to find out what was going on, George got up from his mattress and sat down on the edge of Alex’s bed. He looked at the other’s face that was scrunched up in a frown; Alex was moving around restlessly although he was still fast asleep. George concluded that he was probably having a bad dream and wondered if he should wake him up. Instinctively he reached out and placed one hand on Alex’s shoulder. When he did not calm down, George shook him a little.  
“Alex, wake up mate,” George said quietly, not wanting to scare the other. He shook him a little more resolutely and addressed him a little louder. Eventually Alex did wake up.  
He looked confused and maybe even scared, George wasn’t too sure. Since it was pretty dark after all he might just have been imagining things.  
“You were having a nightmare, I think,” George said calmly.  
Alex nodded. He took a deep breath and covered his face with both hands, rubbing at his eyes and cheeks. “Nightmare…” he repeated in a whisper and looked at George. “You’re here.”  
“You okay?” George asked, his eyebrows drawn together. He could feel Alex shake since his hand still rested on his shoulder.  
“Yeah,” Alex’s voice was rough from sleep. “Did I wake you up? I’m sorry.”  
“Never mind that, want to talk about it?”  
Alex shook his head. “Race accident, I would rather not think too hard about the details.”  
George nodded. He grabbed his pillow and motioned to Alex to move, “Scoot over.” He then slipped his feet under the blanket and slipped one arm under Alex’s shoulders.  
Alex hesitated for a moment but he was too shaken up to refuse the comfort that was offered. He turned onto his side, rested his head on George’s shoulder and wrapped one arm around his chest. “It was really scary,” Alex acknowledged.  
George brought one hand up to run his fingers through Alex’s hair in a soothing motion. “But not real.”  
Alex squeezed him a little tighter. “Thank you,” he mumbled.  
“Always.”  
They were quiet after that. Being this close was weird. Over the last few months they had become very conscious about personal space, always wondering if that touch had lingered for too long or that gaze had been too obvious. But being this close was also incredibly nice and there wasn’t anything about it that wasn’t completely innocent. Though they both knew it would very likely get them in trouble if someone saw it.  
George moved a little as if he wanted to get up but Alex clung to him.  
“Don’t go,” Alex whispered.  
And so George simply settled back down, “I won’t.”  
Alex shivered once.  
George grabbed the blanket and wrapped it tightly around them.  
“The accident in my dream… it was you,” Alex then confessed, his voice was so low that George had to strain his ears to understand him.  
“I’m right here,” George assured him.  
Alex nodded.  
“Try to sleep now,” George said and before he could reconsider he kissed Alex’s forehead.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is very welcome <3


	4. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little something to start into the weekend.  
> Oh, if anyone thinks about coming @ me with how unlikely it is that there will be any significant amount of snow before Christmas... I will say this: these are my facts and I like them like this and you will have to live with them ; )  
> Now, I hope you will enjoy this chapter.

Somehow, Alex had always known this would happen at some point. It wasn’t that he actually provoked it, but he had thought about it so many that he had probably tempted fate a little too much. Alex could have sworn he had locked the door. But obviously that was not the case as George had suddenly walked in catching him in a very compromising position with a hand wrapped around his dick, perfectly illuminated by the screen of his laptop. The box of tissues ready next to him completed the picture that made it impossible to claim any misinterpretation.  
“Shit, sorry!” George almost shouted and immediately fled the room.  
“George!” Alex called out to him while he tucked himself away as fast as he could, pulling his t-shirt down. He didn’t get a response and could only hear the click of the bathroom door closing across the corridor. Alex jumped to his feet, closed the lid of the laptop and left his room. His brain was completely focused on his friend’s panicked expression, worry overlaying whatever arousal had been there before.

The second his brain had needed to process the picture in front of him had been too long to stop his feet from walking into the room. After that the only thing George knew was that he had to remove himself from the situation as fast as possible. His flight response only carried him as far as the bathroom though. With his heart racing in his chest George sat down on the floor, leaning against the bathtub and hugged his bent legs to his chest. He shivered from the cold tiles against his back.  
He let his forehead sink against his knees mumbling, “Shit, shit.”  
There was a knock on the door but George couldn’t bring himself to reply. He felt betrayed by his body at the intense reaction he had felt that had absolutely thrown him off balance. This just couldn’t be happening again and again. He had sworn to himself that Alex was off limits.  
He also really didn’t think he could face Alex right now. Or, like… ever again. Unfortunately for George he had not locked the door after him, so the plan to never face Alex again was ruined immediately.

When he heard no response to his knocking Alex tried the door handle and the door popped open.  
George did not look up when Alex entered the room and addressed him.  
Alex opened the tap and washed his hands keeping his eyes trained on George with growing worry, before he sat down on the floor, too. He watched his friend, saw his whole body move while he tried, and failed, to breath evenly.  
“George?” Alex tried again and lightly poked the other’s foot with his toe. “What’s going on?”  
George looked up a little, fixing Alex with wide eyes.  
Alex sighed a little. “I’m sorry…” he started. “I… can we maybe not make a big deal of it?” He quickly dismissed the thought that actually the roles should be reversed here.  
George pressed his lips together before he exhaled loudly. “Shouldn’t I be the one to apologize?” he asked in a very tiny voice. His hands held tightly onto his forearms, fingers making deep indentations in his skin.  
Alex shook his head with a little snort. “Yeah maybe, but you are obviously completely freaking out… what’s going on?”  
“How are you so calm?” George’s voice still had an uneven pitch, but at least his breathing had gone back to normal.  
Alex leaned his head to one side, “Don’t know… I… maybe I… knew this was bound to happen eventually and… I seriously expected you to rather have a laugh at my expense… telling me you were better at it or something.” His eyebrows furrowed when he still couldn’t draw a laugh from George with this, he was still trying to understand why the other reacted in the way he had. His mind began racing. “Are you alright?”  
George nodded slowly, his heartbeat had calmed down considerably, and seeing Alex be so indifferent about it helped too. “Yes, I… sorry.”  
Alex looked down and nervously licked his lips. “Listen, if there’s something you want to talk about…”  
George groaned, “Oh my God, stop, Alex, you’re not going to give me ‘the talk’, are you?”  
Alex shrugged. “Would if you needed it.”  
“That was embarrassing enough with my dad, I really don’t need to hear that again!”  
Alex gave a little laugh, “Well, I wasn’t keen on it anyway. But you can talk to me, okay? About anything.” He leaned forward until he caught George’s gaze and held it, “okay?”  
George gave him a little smile and finally relaxed his grip on his arms, flexing his numb fingers. “Okay,” he agreed.  
“Well, as cosy as this little sit-in is, are you alright to go back to my room?” Alex asked and pushed himself up from the floor.  
George looked up at him. He still felt embarrassed but if he hoped to move past this, he really shouldn’t decline. So he nodded.  
Alex held a hand out for George to take, then pulled him up from the floor.  
“Why did you think I would laugh?” George asked.  
Alex stood with both hands on his hips and asked, “Mate, we laugh about each other’s mishaps all the time, how is this any different?”  
This finally made George laugh.  
Alex felt relieved to hear it.  
“So, what did you want me to say? ‘I can do better?’,” George teased. He was mainly trying to distract himself when they left the bathroom to go back to Alex’s room.  
“Yeah, and don’t tell this isn’t 100 percent something you would say!” Alex gave back.  
“I would never…” George protested.  
“Why were you in the bathroom together?”  
George and Alex turned around to find one of Alex’s sisters looking at them with wide eyes.  
George gave her a bright smile and said, “I wasn’t feeling well and Alex helped me.”  
“Are you better now?” she asked.  
“Yes, I am, thank you.”  
“Good.” The bathroom door closed after her.  
George grinned at Alex and for a second Alex hated that he could switch on the charm so easily and that nobody in his family seemed to be immune.  
“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Alex said.

*

“It’s actually snowing!” Alex looked out of the window.  
“Told you we would get snow,” George looked smug.  
Alex rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you obviously have the sight. By the way, weather.com told me the same.”  
George crossed his arms over his Christmas sweater. “No need to be mean.”  
Alex turned towards him hands on his hips. “When have I ever not been mean?”  
George rolled his eyes, knowing Alex was simply annoyed at being tasked to decorate the living room. “Only about… every time we meet, so basically most days. Sorry to break it to you, Alex, but you are probably the least mean person I know. But please don’t make it your New Year’s resolution to change that.”  
Alex turned back to the window. “Do you think it’ll will settle?”  
George stepped closer to look over Alex’s shoulder into the garden. “Yeah, looks pretty promising.”  
“We should go for a walk once we’ve finished the stupid decorations. Sorry you got roped into this,” Alex waved a hand at the living room that was utter chaos.  
“I really don’t mind,” George shrugged. “Is ‘going for a walk’ by any chance synonymous with having a snowball fight?”  
Alex grinned at him. “Maybe. If you want it to be…”  
George rubbed his chin pretending to think about it. “Maybe, I’m not so sure… but,” he sighed dramatically but his eyes were twinkling, “We can’t really break with that tradition now, can we?”  
Alex pressed both hands against his chest. “It would break my heart.”  
“Right…” George looked around the room, then pushed his sleeves up. “We better get this done then.”

It was already after nine in the evening when they left the house, hats on their heads, coats zipped up to their chins and hands buried in coat pockets.  
“I didn’t think it would be that cold!” George stated.  
They walked down the road towards the park, figuring if they had a snowball fight in the garden it wouldn’t end well.  
Alex looked at the other from the side. “Maybe next time you buy a coat, choose function over fashion.”  
George huffed, his breath forming a little cloud in front of his face. “Never.”  
Alex shrugged, “There you go, mate, you brought this down on yourself.”  
They reached the park. There had obviously been a lot of snowball fights in the afternoon, the snow was trampled and disturbed and somebody had built a large snowman.  
Together they just stood there for a moment, looking at the snow and feeling apprehensive to get their hands into the cold, wet mass.  
“Are we really doing this?” George wondered.  
Alex laughed and asked, “What, are you getting too old for this?”  
“Too old?” George looked at him incredulously. “You talking about yourself there? Can’t bend down to make a snowball anymore?”  
Alex gaped, “Excuse me? I am not the one looking like they’re scared to get their hands dirty!”  
And with that, the fight was on. Neither would have been able to tell who threw the first snowball, but both hit their target. Soon they were running, throwing, shouting and laughing; cold hands and wet jeans didn’t matter. It was probably reckless, but both had opened their collars when they started sweating from dashing across the lawn.  
George managed to hit the back of Alex’s head with a particularly well-timed snowball. Alex looked up from where he crouched on the floor, preparing a wide array of missiles. They stared at each other across the few metres between them. Suddenly Alex jumped up and rushed at George. Who was still laughing and therefore realised too late what was going to happen and found himself on his back, in the snow.  
Alex had one hand on George’s shoulder and one knee on his thigh, keeping him down while he shoved a handful of powdery snow into George’s face.  
George shook his head and shivered when the snow found its way into his collar. He tried to throw Alex off, tried to shovel snow in his face in return, but due to his position more of it landed on himself. Alex laughed, loud and carefree and raised another handful of snow.  
They grappled for the upper hand, hot breath white in the cold air, both laughing until George suddenly froze.  
For a second Alex panicked. “What’s up, did something happen?” he asked with wide eyes.  
George evaded his gaze and shook his head, his voice urgent when he said, “Get up, Alex, now.”  
Alex looked at him bewildered, before the realised the rather compromising position they had moved themselves into. And how it seemed to affect them both, how had he not noticed?  
George pushed against the other’s shoulders to get him to move.  
Alex blushed fiercely and scrambled to his feet. He held one hand out for George to pull him up, hands numb with cold but the touch was burning hot. They did not look at each other while they dusted the snow off their coats and jeans. At least the embarrassment kept them warm for now.  
They started walking back in silence until Alex suddenly had to laugh, it was rather ridiculous after all.  
George looked at him carefully from the side, chin buried in his collar.  
Alex stopped to look at George, “I mean, you do have to admit that there’s a certain humour to it.”  
George felt a million times lighter after Alex’s statement and mirrored his grin. “You’re right.”  
They chuckled and with that came the understanding to never mention it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment <3


	5. Experiments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I guess this chapter comes with a little warning of sexual activities in a public space... enjoy? XD

“Tell me something you kept a secret from me,” George prompted. He didn’t look up from where his fingers played with the cuff of his jumper.  
“I don’t have secrets from you,” Alex said lightly.  
Now George looked at him sideways. “I don’t believe that.”  
Alex shrugged, “Yeah, okay, there is a thing I haven’t told you.”  
George raised an eyebrow, “Ah?”  
“You remember when you insisted to go to the hospital with me when I had the surgery?”  
“Of course,” George nodded.  
Alex laughed, “The nurse gave you a sedative because you were getting on her nerves. And technically you wouldn’t have been allowed to the room before I woke up, but she felt sorry for you, because you were so tense.”  
“No way!”  
“Yes.” Alex grinned.  
“I thought it was suspicious when she told me to sit down when she brought me that glass of water…” George mused, which made Alex laugh. “Don’t laugh, I was worried!”  
“Thank you,” Alex told him. He looked at George for a long moment, then asked, “So, what is it you want to tell me?”  
George bit his lip and furrowed his brow. “I will move to London.”

“Will you hate me when I place better then you?”  
“Only if you sabotage me,”  
“I would never.”  
“Would you be angry if I won and you didn’t?”  
“No, would you?”  
“Only if you didn’t invite me to the party.”  
“I will always want to have you around.”  
“Promise?”  
“Yes.”  
They grinned at each other. The upcoming season would be the first time they were direct competitors in the same series after two years. Only time would tell if they could keep the promises they made. But when they sat side by side that night, shoulders lightly touching with their backs leaning against Alex’s bed, secretly sharing a can of beer between them, they did believe nothing could ever come between them.

*

George didn’t do this kind of thing often. He was usually too focused on doing things that would help him improve and reach his goals. Career wise there was no benefit to be had in going out partying.  
Luckily, most of his friends shared his view or at least accepted it without teasing him too much about it. But sometimes he went out on a Friday or Saturday night, when it wasn’t race weekend. Especially since he did not spend any free minute at Alex’s place anymore. It had been a tough decision, but he needed the distance to be able to keep his focus. Luckily, the distance was never permanent since they spent every spare minute during race weekends together.  
He had done this once, out of sheer curiosity after moving and with the almost overwhelming need to know. Thinking if he went to a gay bar he could maybe figure out if he felt appalled or interested by what he saw. It had become a little bit of an obsession and it had started to distract him. It had become a necessity to answer that question, if only to file the information away once he had it.

First time he went, he left after one drink because he felt terribly out of place, being the only guy there on his own and nobody seemed to pay him much attention. Also, the security guy kept eyeing him, probably wondering if he should check his ID again and call his mother to drive him home.  
George had gone back though, picking a different location, choosing a club over a bar. There had been some kisses but ultimately George had panicked when the other guy made his intentions known that he would be up for more than kissing. He had left rather hastily.  
George wondered if he might find someone tonight as well, and if he would feel ready to explore further should the occasion arise. He held onto his beer bottle and stood to the side of the dance floor, surveying the other guests. There was a rather attractive boy, maybe a couple of years older than he was, clearly checking him out. George gave him a tentative smile. Obviously he had by now gotten enough positive feedback to not doubt he could attract someone, given that he was young and fit. But he had no idea what to do after the initial contact was made, always going along with the person he had met that night.  
George was still a little insecure about all of this. Did he really want it? It had been fun so far and he knew kissing guys definitely was his thing. But he had always called it a day when he started to feel uncomfortable without any negative feedback, so far. Was it too risky going out on his own without telling anybody where he went? Probably. He had read too many scary stories on the internet. But he couldn’t really tell Alex where he was going when the whole point was that Alex didn’t find out about it. George wished he had someone to talk to, figuring things out by himself – and by asking Google – was for sure not the safest way. 

The boy walked towards George and introduced himself as Philip. He had a pleasant smile and they got into a light-hearted conversation rather easily. After one drink they went onto the dancefloor. Where they held eye-contact while moving to the music, gradually moving closer and sharing a few light touches along their arms and hips before they eventually started kissing.  
Before long Philip took George’s hand and pulled him along until they stood in an alley behind the club. It was a warm night, but the alley was dimly lit. Still, George didn’t feel threatened by the other’s presence. Therefore, he leaned against the wall and pulled him in for a kiss.  
Their kisses got more heated and Philip pressed against George, slipping a thigh between his and rocking against him.  
“Do you have a condom?” Philip asked, his breath tickling George’s neck where he had sucked on the skin.  
“What?” George asked, a little breathless and with slight alarm.  
Philip chuckled. “Well, I’m not blowing you without one.”  
“Oh. Oh, yeah, sure, I have…” George fumbled around in his jeans pocket nervously until his fingers finally caught the small package.  
Philip took the offered condom and smiled, friendly and reassuringly. “Don’t worry, sweetie, I know what I’m doing.” He kissed George a little more insistently while he rubbed his hand over his crotch. He moved his lips towards George’s ear, “Remember to not do this without one, okay?”  
George nodded. His mind was too focused on the fingers that were undoing the buttons on his jeans to actually reply. They kissed again and George couldn’t remember if he had been that turned on before. While his tongue pushed against Philip’s he was very aware of the night air touching parts of him that weren’t usually exposed in public and he briefly wondered how many laws he was currently violating before every thought was shut off when he felt warm fingers trace his dick.  
Philip took hold of George’s hands and placed them on his shoulders, “Hold on to me, don’t let go,” he said before he dropped to his knees.  
George’s head sank back against the rough surface of the brick wall behind him when he felt the condom being rolled over his dick followed almost immediately by the warmth of the other’s mouth. He didn’t dare to look down, he tried to stop his hips from jerking forward while his hands gripped Philip’s shoulders tightly.  
Unsurprisingly, he didn’t last long.  
George took off the condom and looked around for a bin or something to dispose of it. Philip laughed lightly, took the condom and just dropped it to the ground. George was about to complain when he was kissed again briefly.  
“Aren’t you adorable,” Philip chuckled again.  
George felt himself blush and busied his hands with straightening his clothes. Once he was satisfied that everything was where it was supposed to be he looked up into Philip’s eyes. He bit his lower lip, then asked, “Uh… do you want me to…”  
“Have you done that before?” Philip asked, a smile playing around his lips and eyes sparkling.  
George felt his cheeks heat up even more when he lightly shook his head.  
Philip leaned in to kiss George’s cheek, “Maybe some other time then, hm?”  
A mixture of relief and disappointment filled George’s chest and he pulled the other in for more kisses.  
“Would you like to go out on a date some time?”  
George smiled, he had both hands in Philip’s hair and kissed him again.  
Then remembered that he really couldn’t fit dating someone into his routine. And he couldn’t very well date someone and not tell Alex about it, no way he would do that. It felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over his head and he shuddered. Reluctantly George pulled away from the kiss.  
“I’m sorry, I… I can’t.”  
“You can’t?” Philip raised an eyebrow.  
“I… wouldn’t have time… and…” George began.  
Philip held up his hand, his expression suddenly changed, “Oh spare me the excuses, I have heard them too often.”  
George crossed his arms over his chest protectively, biting his lip. Well, there was nothing he could say to make it better anyway, now that he had made the decision.  
But Philip seemed to misinterpret George’s hesitation and got angry. “Ah, I see. I’m not good enough for someone fancy like you, am I? Good enough for a blowjob but not someone you could be seen with in public, am I? Scared to come out to your posh family?”  
George wanted to protest but at that moment he felt the palm connect with his cheek as he was slapped and it startled him into silence.  
“Fuck you,” Philip said and walked off.  
George stood there for a moment, too dazed and too surprised to do anything. He covered his cheek with one hand, it stung quite a bit. Though he had to admit that it wasn’t completely undeserved, and maybe that stung even more. The sad thing about it was, that he might have really liked him. Might have found someone to talk about things, explore things with. But it was too late anyway and George knew he probably should stop doing this before he got himself into serious trouble one day.  
With a sigh he pushed away from the wall and started his way home. 

*

“What happened to your face?!” Alex exclaimed when George sat down next to him two days later.  
“Disagreement,” George told him light-heartedly.  
Alex stared.  
George raised an eyebrow, challenging the other to ask.  
“You got into a fight?” Alex asked in disbelief. This wasn’t really his style.  
George lightly shook his head. “Not really. I got slapped, no big deal.”  
Alex checked the bruise more closely, cold fingertips on George’s chin to tilt his head for a better look. “I don’t believe it. Did you file a complaint?”  
“No. It… well, it wasn’t at the track and… neither was it undeserved. Just… forget about it,” George told him. Praying that Alex would drop the matter.  
Alex sighed and dropped his hand. Did he really want to know? “Be more careful, hm?” He got up, rummaged in his bag for a moment then threw a small plastic jar at George, who caught it easily. “Use this, it’ll heal faster.”  
“Thanks,” George grinned.

*


	6. Colour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings? The author has improper thoughts about nail polish, but isn't remotely sorry about it.   
> I really like this chapter and I hope it brings you joy.

George was leaning against the door frame with his shoulder, legs casually crossed at the ankles and arms loosely wrapped around himself. He watched the scene in the living room unfold with a grin. He missed being there on a regular basis, it still felt a lot like home. But he had made a choice, and he knew it was better this way.   
George’s presence had not yet been noticed.   
“Alex, I want to paint your fingernails!” Alex’s youngest sister insisted.  
“No, paint your own!” Alex sat on the sofa, hands tucked under his armpits to hide his fingernails.   
“But they are already painted,” the girl pouted.  
“Paint your toenails then!”   
“I already painted them, too.”  
Alex gave a heavy sigh and his shoulders slumped slightly. “Ask one of your sisters then,” he tried.  
His sister only shook her head though, “But I want to paint yours!”  
Another sigh followed and Alex placed his hands on his knees in defeat. “But I’m taking it off right away!” he warned.  
The girl gave him a huge smile and nodded. “What colour do you want?”  
“Red,” George suggested from his place by the door.  
Alex turned around and stared at him, with a look of utter betrayal on his face.  
“George!” Alex’s sister waved him over. “Can I paint your nails, too?”  
He should have seen this coming. But she looked so excited about it that he was certainly not going to protest. With a grin George walked over to sit down next to Alex, bumping his shoulder in the process. “Sure.”   
“You can go first,” Alex offered with a mocking smile.  
George shrugged. “It’s only nail polish, Alex,” he said quietly.  
“What colour do you want?” Alex’s sister asked.   
George looked at the little glass bottles on the table. And pointed to the darkest shade. Which was probably purple by daylight but looked quite black in the light of the lamp above the table. While he watched the girl paint his fingernails and doing a really good job with not painting over the sides, George remembered how he had watched his older sister paint her nails when he was little. And how devastated he had been when his mom had told him he couldn’t have nail polish, too, because that was for girls. He had almost forgotten about it.  
“Thank you,” George said examining his fingernails, “That suits me very well, don’t you think?” He winked and leaned back, careful not to touch anything and laughed at Alex who squirmed in his seat as if the nail polish was burning off his fingertips. 

They did not take it off right away. But instead joked around with it for quite a while, much to the delight of Alex’s sister.  
A while later they sat in Alex’s room on the floor, like they did often.  
“This feels so weird… it’s very irritating for only a thin coat of paint,” Alex complained, staring down at his nails. “Mom would have a field day if she came home to see this.”  
George raised an eyebrow at Alex, teasing him, “So you’ll keep it on then? Be the family rebel for once?” He leaned forward to grab a slice of apple from a plate in front of them.  
Alex sighed, “Yeah, probably not, that’s not really my style.”  
George held the apple out for Alex, “But wasn’t your sister’s happy face worth it?”  
“I guess. Thank you for… going along with it,” Alex said.  
George laughed and shook his head. Then he told Alex the story he had remember about the nail polish he wasn’t allowed to have.

Later that night, Alex looked down from his bed to George who slept on a mattress on the floor. His mom had insisted they did not share the bed because they were too tall to sleep comfortably in the small space and good sleep was so important – yeah, right. Alex had tried sleeping on the mattress and found it comfortable enough to not feel guilty about it, even though he thought he might have liked sharing a bed. George lay on his back and was already asleep. He hadn’t said much, but something had happened that had left him exhausted rather than excited when he had arrived at Alex’s place. Still, no matter what, so far he had always without fail played along to indulge Alex’s siblings when they asked him to join a game or anything.   
Alex sighed. It could be so perfect if he had the chance to make him part of the family. They liked him, he liked them… but… George still hadn’t said anything about the conversation Alex had listened in on. He had not told Alex anything about his preferences, so maybe there wasn’t even anything to tell. And who was he kidding, Alex thought, even if George preferred men, it was still a far stretch that he would like him, of all people.   
Watching his friend while he slept was maybe not what he should be doing, if he didn’t want to be a creep. At least he had convinced George to put on a shirt to bed. Even if it was large enough that it would slip and wouldn’t really cover much as soon as he moved around some more. George had one arm behind his head, the other hand lay on his chest and even in the dim light the nail polish was clearly there. It was weird but at the same time kind of exciting. Forbidden yet tantalizing because of it.  
For a few seconds Alex indulged in the mental image of having those hands on his naked thighs, fingers splayed and the black nail polish catching the light as the hands move upwards, spreading his legs.   
“Damn,” Alex squeezed his eyes shut as he felt his body react almost violently. Stupid idea, huge mistake to let his thoughts go down that road. Now he couldn’t shake them off. He gave a small groan as his dick told him just how interested it was to pursue the ideas further.  
“You okay?” George’s sleepy voice broke through the fog in Alex’s head.  
“Yeah,” Alex gave back between clenched teeth. He heard the blankets rustle as George was probably getting up to find out what was going on.   
“You sure?” George asked, sounding slightly more alert now.  
“Just a cramp, going to be fine in a moment,” Alex told him. It wasn’t too far off the truth. Well… certainly a white lie, at least.  
“Want me to get you magnesia?” George hat sat up on his mattress and sleepily rubbed his face.  
“No,” Alex told him, “go back to sleep.”  
George looked at him for another moment before he dropped back down, moving around for a bit to get comfortable. Alex held his breath while he listened. At least his little problem had gone away for now. How could he have been so reckless? This really had to stop.

They were running late the next morning.  
“We need to go, are you ready?” Alex asked. He did not wait for an answer, grabbing his bag and turning to go.  
George grabbed his wrist, “Alex!”  
“What is it? We’re going to be late,” Alex said impatiently. He tried to pull George along.  
“No, Alex, wait!” George tugged on his wrist again, more insistently this time.  
“We really don’t have time for…”  
George lifted Alex’s hand so he could see it.  
“Do you really want to leave this on?” George asked, referring to the bright red that still covered Alex’s nails. “Not that I would judge you, it looks nice, but maybe you should make the conscious decision…”  
Alex pulled his hand out of George’s grip and stormed off into the bathroom. George followed him, laughing, “Don’t I get a thank you?” He leaned against the wall outside the open door.  
“You can count yourself lucky that you don’t get a kick for not telling me earlier,” Alex called from inside.  
“But it was just too funny!” George told him. “You could thank me for leaving the polish remover somewhere you could easily find it…” he then added.  
Alex looked around the corner and glared at George, “I’m glad my friendship seems to hold at least a little value for you.”  
George was about to protest this assessment when Alex held up his hands. His fingertips still bright red, though the polish was off the nails at least.  
“It is not coming off and I officially hate you for picking the colour,” Alex snapped.  
At which George managed to look a little hurt.  
“Only for picking the colour though,” Alex rectified. “Come on, we really need to be gone.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback welcome <3


	7. (Un)reasonable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go with the next part.   
> Next part's going to be posted on Sunday.  
> I hope you'll enjoy this one.

Alex stared at his face in the mirror. Another hotel room in a reasonably priced hotel – at least in comparison to the ones closer to the track. On the plus side, it was clean, relatively quiet und he could escape the circus for a little while. And it was comfortable enough. Alex had just taken a shower and stood with the towel still wrapped around his hips, hair wet and dripping onto his shoulders. It was a bit too cold, actually, but he lacked the energy to move and change something about it.   
Sometimes he felt like he was running after a dream that wasn’t meant for him. Chasing the impossible. Doubting himself came in waves. Sometimes the waves were far away in the distance and he felt confident and could taste the success, the fame and glory. Other times the waves came crashing down so hard he forgot where the surface was. So far he could always rely on someone reaching out their hand to pull him out. But would that always be the case? Or would he be left behind to the way?  
While Alex thought about one specific helping hand he became aware of the hand that was waving in front of his face right this moment.  
“George! You can’t just come in here!” Alex exclaimed and took a step backwards. Great, now his bare feet stood on the cold floor instead of the bathmat.   
George looked at him with a bemused expression. “To be fair. I knocked. Twice.”  
“Oh.”  
“I even gave you a moment after I heard the shower switch off,” George grinned.  
This served rather well to pull Alex out of his trance, “Oh yeah, probably more for your sake than mine, I’d bet.”  
George pouted. “I have nothing but the best intentions towards you!” he protested. “Anyways, seems like you didn’t really make use of the time.” He raised an eyebrow at Alex, eyeing him once from head to toe, then took a step backwards off the mat. “You okay?”   
“Sure,” Alex thankfully stepped back onto the bathmat, suppressing a shiver that he could only partly blame on the cold. “Any reason you couldn’t wait until I finished?”  
George reached for his toothbrush, “I wanted to brush my teeth and go to bed, actually.”  
Alex sighed, “Get on with it then.” He took a second towel and started drying his hair, which by then was a little pointless, but he needed something to keep himself occupied. He felt watched. “And maybe hurry up,” he added when he found George looking at him, toothbrush in his mouth, but not actually doing anything with it.  
It set George into motion, but he still kept his eyes fixed on Alex.  
“You’re honestly a little creepy right now!” Alex told him with a little insecure laugh.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be,” George mumbled around the toothpaste now filling his mouth, but they had held enough conversations like that to be able to understand each other pretty well. He reached out with his free hand and ran a finger over Alex’s scar, “It looks so much better.”  
Alex tried to ignore his heart beginning to race as he looked down at George’s hand casually touching his skin. “Well, last time you saw was like… right when the bandages came off?”  
George turned away to spit out the toothpaste before he said, “And whose fault might that be?”  
Alex pulled the towel over his shoulders and crossed his arms over his chest, feeling slightly uncomfortable. “It doesn’t exactly give me a confidence boost, if you must know.”  
George turned back to him, “That’s silly. Well, you can always make up a really heroic story about it and use it to impress your next date.”  
“Well, the only person in my life I really want to impress already knows the true story,” Alex shrugged.  
“Hm… bad luck, man,” George put his toothbrush back into to glass and left the bathroom.  
“Because you were there…” Alex mumbled at the closed door.   
He changed into his pyjamas and turned back towards the mirror.   
Maybe it was time they stopped sharing hotel rooms. No, not maybe, it definitely was time since people had started to comment on it.   
Maybe, Alex thought, he should start accepting the dates with ‘my good friend’s daughter’ his mother kept pushing at him, again. He didn’t really want to, but it would at least calm her down. Maybe she would stop watching every interaction he had with George with a figurative magnifying glass then. They would probably both benefit from that.   
Alex sighed and left the bathroom.   
Sometimes, the waves felt so nice that he forgot how dangerous they could be.

*

George was grinning broadly. His wet hair sticking to his face, his cap having been lost at some point, and the race overall was drenched with champagne. He had one arm around Lando, the other around Alex who were in a very similar state. They were giddy; drunk on victory and joy and, well, champagne. George turned his head sideways, pulled Lando in and kissed his cheek. Then laughed at the dismay on the other’s face before he turned to Alex, who had of course been looking at the scene in front of him. So instead of Alex’s cheek George squarely caught his lips. He didn’t seem to mind much though, or at all, really, just kept on grinning even wider and pulled them along.

It had gotten late. Even though he had had a shower and changed his clothes, Alex felt sticky. The room was large, but it was filled with too many people. Too many important people he couldn’t avoid talking to. He tried catching George’s attention but somehow never managed to be in the same part of the room at the same time. He had caught his gaze several times during the evening, but when he tried to make his way over, Alex had each time been delayed by someone else stepping into his way.   
He could still feel his lips tingle when he thought about the accidental kiss they had shared. Obviously, it wasn’t a big deal, George had neither been embarrassed about it, nor had he apologized. So the best course of action would probably be to forget about it. Alex wondered if he should address it, but what was the point? Which outcome did he hope for? He blushed. Of course it had only been a reckless spur of the moment thing, fuelled by too much high-strung energy after that podium, after the season finale, after winning a championship… George had probably forgotten about it already.

“Finally!” George sat down on the chair next to Alex with very little grace. “I can’t believe you’ve escaped me the whole evening.”  
“I didn’t try to,” Alex was leaning with both arms on the table. He was dead tired.   
“No, I know. I saw,” George stretched his legs out and leaned into the backrest, looking every bit as tired as Alex felt. “Couldn’t do anything about it.”  
“Why did you want to catch me?” Alex asked.  
George looked at him, trying to read his expression. “Are we good? About the results, I mean.”  
“George, you’re my best mate, of course I am happy for you,” Alex stated and George smiled at him.   
Well, getting lost in his eyes was probably not a very best-mates-thing to do. But to Alex’s defence, George was holding his gaze and it was simply unfair, how was he supposed to look away first.   
They were both startled back into reality when Lando crashed into the table, literally.   
“Sorry, didn’t mean to disturb you but can I sit with you? If I have to talk to one more sponsor I’m going to cry.”  
George laughed, “Same.”  
Alex pointed at the empty chairs, “Feel free.”

*


	8. Tide's turning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a larger time gap between the last chapter and this.   
> This part is were the second arc of the story begins. Enjoy. :)

Alex looked wearily at George when he sauntered into his room without being asked in. He watched in silence as George took off the team jacket to reveal one of his really old, faded t-shirts, that Alex knew he only wore to sleep.  
“What is going on?” Alex finally asked.  
“Well, you obviously had a shitty day and are in need of a cuddle, don’t even deny it,” George told him with a raised finger.  
“And?” Alex crossed his arms, slightly worried George would be able to see his heart beat against his ribs otherwise. He really needed to put a shirt on, quickly. Why had he opened the door like this anyway? Oh, right, he hadn’t.   
“That’s why I came over to stay with you and offer you my strong arms, to cuddle,” George replied with a grin. He placed the key card onto the table.  
“When did you even get that?” Alex stared at the card.  
“I was worried,” George told him.  
Alex gave him a stern look. Sometimes, George’s behaviour was borderline insufferable. “That explains nothing!”  
“Had someone nick it from you, but only because I knew you’d refuse if I said I’d come over.”  
It was true, they had almost fought over the topic, but that had been a year ago.  
“You can’t stay here! Did someone see you come over? Are you even allowed in here, you stay in a different hotel!” Alex protested and looked at the door as if he could see the outside through it.   
“You make it sound like we were doing something forbidden,” George gave back with a little pout.  
“Well, maybe not, but certainly frowned upon. And easy to misunderstand, too!” Alex turned his back on his friend, looking around for something to wear. How did George seemingly not notice or care for the implications?  
“It’s okay if you don’t want me here, I…” The hurt in George’s voice made Alex turn back to him, “didn’t mean to make your day worse. I didn’t think it would be a problem for you, since we’ve shared rooms before.”  
Alex immediately caved in. He was just that powerless against him. He reached out to place a hand on George’s shoulder. How could he tell him that they were not kids anymore, that their surroundings had changed again, significantly, and curious eyes and ears were everywhere. That they needed to be alert so nobody could ruin their careers with false accusations – or right ones, for that matter. At the same time, he knew he really needed and wanted that promised hug. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be an arse. But I’m worried…” Alex hung his head.  
George stepped closer and wrapped his arms around him. “I can leave really early… but you shouldn’t sleep alone after a day like this.”  
Alex felt George’s warmth, his fresh-out-of-the-shower scent filling his nose, the other’s gentle, warm hands placed soothingly on his back, and he could not resist the promise of safety they held. Alex knew very well that he was walking on very thin ice every time he let George in so close. And why was he still not wearing a shirt, this was not how it was supposed to be.   
Courting danger was not something he usually did off track, but Alex wrapped both arms around George’s waist anyway, pulling him close, and whispered, “Thank you for being here.”

*

“When you two get married, I demand to be the person giving the speech. And I will tell everyone I saw your first kiss,” Lando took a sip from his bottle, comfortably reclined in the sofa with his feet tucked under his thighs. “Wait, that was you first kiss, right?” he looked at the small phone screen.  
Alex looked at him bewildered. “Are you drunk? What are you talking about?”  
“This isn’t even alcohol,” Lando protested and swung his bottle a little, “how would I be drunk?”  
Alex shook his head. “Not the point, what are you talking about?”  
“When George kissed you, after he won that championship,” Lando said as if it was obvious.  
Alex inwardly cursed his heart for missing a beat. “That wasn’t a kiss, it was an accident!” he clarified.  
“I was there, I saw it!”   
“He kissed you, too!” Alex reminded him.   
Lando grinned. “Not on the mouth!”   
Alex felt his face heat up. He prayed Lando wouldn’t notice due to the poor lighting. “Accident, as I said, because I looked at him after he kissed your cheek!”   
“Right. And that totally explains why you both couldn’t stop looking at each other the whole party after.” Lando said triumphantly.  
Actually, it was rather Alex’s whole body that was heating up, he decided, maybe a spontaneous fever? Lando had a point, though Alex had never noticed that he hadn’t been the only one looking. Or had he only convinced himself that he had been the only one looking? If Lando wasn’t imagining things, that was. After all, that had been so long ago.  
“That was ages ago, why were you even thinking about it?” Alex tried to deflect.  
“I just remembered…,” Lando shrugged. “I thought it was funny then. I only later understood that you two love each other.”  
Alex almost dropped the phone. “We are not in love. Why would you say something like that?” It came out a lot more panicky than Alex would have liked.  
“Calm down, it’s not a big deal…” Lando started.  
“Yes, but Lando, it’s not the case!” Alex told him, desperately praying that his heart rate would return to normal before he fainted from stress.  
Lando stared at the screen. “Wait, I thought you just didn’t tell me yet, that you were together.”  
“Stop right there!” Alex took a deep breath to calm his nerves, “What made you think we were a couple?”  
Lando looked confused, “The other week I heard George ask for your room key. And I know he got it, so I know you slept together.”  
Alex blushed hotly, “Together, yes, but not with each other.”  
“Oh.” Lando looked a little sad.  
Alex raised an eyebrow. “What? Did you already plan a public announcement you can’t take back?” he joked even though he really didn’t feel like it. He knew it had been stupid to let George stay.  
Lando shook his head. “No… I am merely… disappointed.”  
“Disappointed?” Alex parroted.  
“Well, you said ‘we are not in love’, but that’s wrong, isn’t it?” Lando shrugged, “Because you are in love with George, and I just know he is in love with you, so why isn’t it a ‘we are in love’ then? You’ve been at this point for years!”  
Alex looked at Lando, feeling absolutely speechless at his assessment of the situation. Could he be right? Certainly not.  
Lando sighed, “At least you don’t deny that you love him, that’s a start I guess.”  
“I’m tired of denying it.” Alex took another deep breath. “I am sick of hiding it. And I trust you to not get me in trouble with that information.”  
“It’s so stupid that you even have to worry about that info being something that could get you into to trouble. And of course I wouldn’t!” Lando complained and took another sip from his bottle. “Why did you still not tell him?”  
“It’s complicated. I don’t really want to talk about it. Sorry.”  
“It’s okay, I guess,” Lando said, though he looked not pleased about it.  
“Maybe I can tell you some time, when we meet…” Alex scratched his thigh.  
There was silence for moment.  
Then Lando asked, “Alex, can I ask you one more thing?”  
“Sure, I guess.” Alex looked at the screen without really facing it.  
“Over the time I’ve known you...” Lando started scratching at the label on his bottle, “you dated quite a few girls and I always wondered if that was for distraction or… something.” He looked directly into the camera lense, but his voice was quite low, which was a little unusual. “Or like… do you like girls and guys?”  
Alex chuckled, seeing Lando being shy about asking was rather endearing. “I never really thought about liking any other guys… I don’t think I do, I never felt anything like it with anybody but George. Why do you ask?”  
Lando shrugged, trying to look casual. “I don’t know… everybody’s telling me to find a date.”  
“Fuck what everybody is saying, do what’s good for you,” Alex burst out.  
“I didn’t meet anyone I really wanted to date… like, ever. I mean, I think I want to date someone, because it sounds nice to feel that close to another person… but...” Lando shrugged.   
Alex smiled at him, “You don’t have to date to build a meaningful connection to someone else.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback's welcome <3


	9. Night Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, from here on, let’s just pretend 2020 race schedule had been carried out as planned. I decided social distancing and stuff did not go well with what I wanted to write, so… it does not exist. There’s no travel restrictions or anything. Great.
> 
> Also, I decided to use “she/her” for the Drag Queen in this story, since she will only appear as her Drag Persona. I based her on an existing person, but I have not researched which pronouns this person actually uses, sorry. But since there's no tag I don't feel the need to, so no getting angry, thanks.
> 
> As always: Enjoy <3

George hadn’t gone out in a long time. But he figured he could take his chances. He wasn’t famous enough, yet, that he couldn’t risk it. And some action was exactly what he needed to take his mind off other things for a moment.   
He had done a little researched and had found this club. There was going to be a Drag show that night and it was actually he could probably spin into a cover should he need an excuse why he came. It would raise different questions, maybe. Which he didn’t really expect, being somewhere in France. He also didn’t expect too many people to be into F1 and Drag Queens so that they would instantly recognise him.  
George got himself a drink and sat down at a table close to, but not directly at, the stage. He didn’t really want to be part of the action. While the stage was still empty he checked a few things on his phone, replying to a few messages that he had forgotten. He ignored the three missed calls from Lando for now, he would get back to it tomorrow, claiming he had fallen asleep or something.  
The club wasn’t too crowded yet, probably because it was a weekday. The dancefloor was completely empty, but most of the tables were occupied. The last thing George expected was that suddenly the chair across from him was pulled out and someone sat down. He looked up, ready to protest the intrusion of his privacy, when he looked into a face that he knew all too well.   
“This is unexpected,” Charles said, eyes sparkling with amusement.  
George could only stare at him for a moment before he caught himself. Logic told him that he didn’t really have anything to fear since Charles was here himself after all, still his heart started racing.  
“Hi?” George asked uncertainly.  
Charles grinned even wider.   
George cleared his throat. “What are you doing here?” He hoped it didn’t sound too rude or uninviting.  
“Meeting a friend,” Charles said.  
Before George could ask him to be more specific, Lando arrived at the table carrying two cocktail glasses.   
“Oh, George!” he exclaimed, “I didn’t know you’d be here!” Lando sat down, no questions asked.  
George felt even more confused now.  
“If I had known you were interested, I would have asked you to come with me. But I did not know. So I per…” Charles hesitated as he stumbled across the word, “persuaded Lando to come.”  
Lando grinned, “I couldn’t reach you or Alex otherwise I would have asked you to join, too.”  
George smiled, for really, what else could he do? He was pretty sure the evening had just gotten a hundred times better than it would have been, even if the chances of picking someone up had flown right out of the window. He lifted his bottle, “Cheers!”

It was a little into the show that George remembered Charles had talked about meeting a friend. So he asked him about it.   
“She is busy right now,” Charles grinned and pointed at the stage with his chin.  
George stared before it clicked. “Wait, the person up there is your friend?” he asked to confirm.  
Charles looked very smug, “Yes. She is incredible, non?” he was switching to the French pronunciation halfway through, but George had gotten so used to it by now that he barely noticed. That information was certainly not what he had expected.   
George looked back at the Drag Queen who was currently twirling around on stage. She was young in comparison to the others they had seen, though probably still a few years older than them. She was also really pretty and wore a very fashionable costume. And somehow George could see how Charles would be friends with her. She looked like she would fit right in with the crowd in some casino in Monaco. While he stared up at her, she winked. George felt himself blush a little, which made Charles laugh. 

Charles got up when his friend, still in full costume and stage make-up, reached the table. He kissed her on both cheeks before turning around to introduce his friends.   
“You can call me Nicky,” she said with an unmistakable French accent.  
Lando laughed.  
“What’s so funny?” Nicky asked.  
Lando pointed at George, “His team mate is called Nicky.”  
George smiled and explained, “Well, technically it is Nicholas, but yeah, everyone calls him Nicky.”  
Nicky smiled, “I see, well, you can call me whatever you like then, pretty boy.”  
Lando tried to hide his laughter in his glass but failed spectacularly.   
Nicky looked at him, eyes sparkling with mischief, “You will be pretty too, once you’ve grown up.”  
It made Lando laugh even harder, if possible, and Charles steadied him before he fell off the chair.  
“Can I sit with you?” Nicky asked.  
“Sure! Do you want me to get you a chair?” George asked.  
Nicky shook her head with an amused smile and sat down on George’s lap, one arm around his shoulders. “Is this okay, too?” she batted her eyelashes.  
George grinned at her even though he suddenly felt way too warm, “Whatever you like.”  
For a few moments Charles and Nicky talked rapidly in French and George didn’t even pretend he could follow.   
“Oh, sorry, are we being rude?” Nicky asked with a sweet apologetic smile.  
“Just a little, but we’re used to it from Charles. Looking at you was worth it, too,” George told her and winked.   
“Unbelievable,” Charles shook his head and muttered, “You obviously deserve it.”  
“How did you meet Charles?” Lando asked.  
“At a New Year’s Eve Party in New York,” Nicky told him.  
“Did you hit it off?” Lando continued with a cheeky grin.  
Nicky looked confused for a moment, then she shook her head with a smile, “Non. We did not. Charles is cute, but he likes his partners more… assertive… so we are too similar in that,” she winked at Charles who just gave her a smug grin.  
Lando covered his ears with both hands, “I’m so glad I asked, this is exactly what I needed to know.”   
George reached out to pat his shoulder sympathetically.   
They continued to talk quite a while about Nicky, who usually lived in America, but had come to visit her family and gotten a few bookings while she was over in France anyway. What it was like to get ready for a Drag show comparted to all the preparation that went into a F1 race. It was nice and entertaining.  
When the presenter came back on stage to introduce the next act, Nicky told them she had to leave.  
“It was nice meeting you,” George told her and meant it.  
“Likewise,” Nicky leaned in and kissed George, maybe a second too long for it to be casual, then she hopped of his lap and winked. Seeing Lando giggle with glee, Nicky bent down to him and kissed his cheek. She ran a hand over Charles’ shoulder when she passed him, squeezing it lightly. “I’ll call you soon.”

“I am surprised,” Charles stated when Nicky had left and Lando had popped to the restroom.   
George looked at him, “About what?”   
“You looked completely at ease, flirting with a Drag Queen sitting in your lap as if you do that every day,” Charles stated. He got up and took the chair Lando had occupied before, wanting to sit closer to the other to be able to hear him over the music.  
“Did you expect me to freak out?” George wondered.  
“Yes… at least a little bit,” Charles admitted. “I little boring,” he winked.   
George smiled, “I actually rather enjoyed that.”  
“I saw that. Why did you come here?” Charles asked, his gaze fixed on George, who hesitated and tried to avoid the other’s eyes.  
It was a good time to make a confession, but George wasn’t sure he was ready. Would there ever be a better opportunity though? And he still really needed another person he could talk to about all this. “I wanted to… hook up with someone,” he confessed quietly.  
Charles nodded.   
George shrugged.   
Lando returned to the table, “There’s more people in the restrooms than out here!” he told them with wide eyes.  
George burst out laughing, the tension he had felt dissolving quickly, “How many things you never wanted to know did you see?”  
Lando’s eyes grew even wider, “Nothing! I saw nothing, I swear.”  
Charles also laughed and patted Lando’s head.  
When the next act was on stage, Charles leaned closer to George arms crossed over his chest and eyes fixed onto the stage as if he was commenting the show. “Why take the risk? I am sure you’re not short on offers, why not find something more permanent within our travelling circus?”  
“I don’t do permanent,” George told him.  
Now Charles turned to look at him. “Why not?”   
George sighed. He shook his head, hoping to dismiss the question.  
“No honestly, I want to know,” Charles insisted. He grabbed his glass from the table. “This does not fit the picture I have of you.”  
Lando threw them a curious glance, but the music coming from the stage was too loud for him to understand what was being spoken.  
George knew it was probably a little self-destructive, but he said, “Because I won’t keep something that large from Alex.” He picked up his bottle from the table, but noticed it was empty. “Excuse me for a moment, I need another drink,” he then said, loud enough for Lando to hear.  
“I will go with you,” Charles jumped up before George could protest, “Lando, what do you want?”  
“I’m good!” Lando said.  
“Doesn’t want to visit the loo again,” George said. Lando gave him the middle finger.   
They walked a few steps before Charles got back onto the topic. “What does Alex have to do with you having a relationship? He certainly would not stop you?”  
“I just never told him I liked guys.”  
Charles shook his head and stared at George, “How can you be so close with Alex and not tell him?”  
“None of us ever brought the topic up,” George tried to shrug it off. As if it was the most common thing.   
“But that is stupid. It is important, non?” Charles placed one hand on George’s arm.  
“I can’t tell him,” George insisted.  
With another shake of his head Charles said, “He would not react badly, you know… he was fine with me being who I am.”  
“Charles, he just can’t know, okay?!” George said, a little too loud and a little too desperate. They caught a few glances.  
“Explain to me why,” Charles said, trying to be patient.  
They bought their drinks and stood a little to the side, so nobody would run into them accidentally.  
George took a very deep breath, “But you have to promise me you won’t say anything to him.”  
“Certainly,” Charles nodded.  
And George told him about the promise he had unwillingly made and how it prevented him to be honest with Alex and that he sometimes hated himself for it. But somehow he had missed the point were telling Alex and admitting how long he had kept the secret had become more awkward than continuing to stay silent.   
“You cannot go on like this, you have to tell him,” Charles concluded. “You cannot be scared forever.”  
George nodded, “I know! I just don’t know how.”

They went back to their table, enjoyed the rest of the show, most of all Nicky’s second performance, then decided to call a cab back to the hotel. Charles grinned at George when he asked him if he would rather stay and Lando looked a little irritated at that, but didn’t say anything. George had long decided he would leave with them though.   
The ride back to the hotel was silent, all of them distracted by their phones.   
Only when they crossed the lobby Lando suddenly picked up a random topic as if they had chatted about it the whole way back. There was a short moment of awkward silence after Lando had gotten out of the lift. Charles’ room was on the same floor as George’s so they walked down the corridor without saying a word.   
They stopped in front of George’s room and Charles confessed quietly, “I wish I had known sooner, I rather fancied you when we were racing against each other, back in the day.”  
George laughed, carefree and light - the weight suddenly lifted off him, “I had no idea then.”   
Charles grinned.  
“I barely have an idea now, to be honest,” George then admitted.  
“Oh? I am surprised.”  
George shrugged, “You get only so far by asking Google. I never had anyone around to actually ask questions. And a few rushed encounters don’t make you an expert.”  
They looked at each other for a long moment.  
“I can answer your questions,” Charles offered, then added with his voice very low, “I can show you a few things, too, if you want.”  
George was about to say no when Charles leaned towards his ear.   
He whispered, “Come and visit me at home during summer break. Say yes.”  
George looked at him, eyes wide, and Charles smiled. It was still more than five weeks until then. George nodded slowly. Charles patted his arm and left for his own room.

*


	10. Subtle Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are moving closer to the point of no return.  
> Feelings are getting harder to ignore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, enjoy!

“I can’t shake the feeling Lando is angry with me. But I have no idea why,” George said.  
Alex looked up and indeed found Lando glaring at George. “I don’t know either, he hasn’t said anything to me.”  
“I wish he would stop, it’s making me quite uncomfortable,” George looked back at his phone but found it hard to concentrate.  
“Then maybe you two should talk,” Alex suggested.  
And Alex really had a point there, George thought, but he also knew when it had started and he somehow felt apprehensive to address the topic. He just wasn’t sure he would like what Lando had to say. Or if he wanted to answer the awkward questions Lando might rightfully pose.   
It was probably a shitty thing to do, but George decided to avoid Lando as much as he could until summer break and address it after, if Lando hadn’t given up by then. While he clearly hoped Lando would have forgotten about it by then.

*

Alex stared at George. He knew he was staring but right at that moment he couldn’t care less. They were alone on the terrace looking out across the water the lake enclosed by mountains. It was five thirty in the morning and Alex really wondered why he was even awake. But he had to admit that the early morning air was really nice after spending God knows how many hours on the plane, at the airport, in the car towards the holiday home…   
Stretching his arms, he shivered a little. The sun was barely up and didn’t offer much warmth yet. The usually stifling heat of the season lost due to the altitude.  
George was leaning with his elbows against the balustrade, head back to take in the landscape in front of him. Alex’s gaze flickered from the line of his jaw and throat, that was very nicely illuminated by the morning light, to his bottom - and did George really have to lean forward to present it like that? And why was he even wearing those tight jeans, with his underwear peeking out at the top? Life just wasn’t fair. But Alex couldn’t tear his gaze away and briefly wondered what would happen if he walked over and pushed both hands down those back pockets. His hands were rather cold, that would warm them up nicely…  
He did not right away notice George turning around to look at him.  
“Are you checking me out?” George asked.  
Alex immediately felt his face heat up and his palms become sweaty. He snorted, “Yeah, you wish.” It sounded a lot more hostile than Alex had intended.  
George lifted both hands, “Sorry I dragged you out of bed to see this.”  
“No, it’s a nice view,” Alex said and mentally slapped himself. Trust him to dig himself in even deeper.  
George raised an eyebrow at him. He did not comment.  
Alex crossed his arms over his chest and rubbed his upper arms a little.  
“Come over here,” George waved him over before he returned to his former position, leaning onto the balustrade while this time still looking at Alex. And did he know how flattering that lighting was?  
Slowly Alex walked towards him and copied his pose.   
George moved a little so their shoulders were touching, though neither said a word.

*

Alex woke up sprawled across the bed. His head felt fuzzy with the beginnings of a headache, he really hated jetlag. He reached down to adjust his dick where it strained uncomfortably against a seam of his sweatpants. He gave himself a few moments to contemplate whether he wanted to wait until the erection just vanished or help it along before he remembered that he wasn’t alone. Heat shooting through his body, he carefully glimpsed over. Thankfully George was still asleep. Lying on his side, knees drawn up a little and perfectly aligned, with both hands under the flattest pillow he could find. Looking very neat and tidy where Alex had managed to twist his clothes around himself and take up most of the space on the futon.   
They had gone out for an early morning run since they had been awake anyway, but had just fallen asleep after, being in the wrong time zone catching up with them. Alex glanced at the clock, it had been supposed to be a short nap, but it was late morning by now.   
He turned his head back to look at George. Unwilling to give up the chance to just watch him for a while without it getting awkward. George’s face looked relaxed in sleep, his lips slightly parted. His hair, sweaty after their run, had dried sticking weirdly to his forehead, which made Alex smile a little. He wanted to reach out, but while staring was something he could take responsibility for, touching George while he was unaware, was definitely crossing a line, even if it was harmless like this. When he started imagining tracing the bow of his lips, Alex knew it was time he got up and took a shower. A cold one might be advised.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” George sat on the bed, leaning against the wall with his phone in both hands, when Alex returned.  
“Do I look like I have been awake long?” Alex gave back with a little laugh, pointing at the towel around his neck.  
“Not really…”   
“That’s because I haven’t.”  
“Can I have the shower?” George put his phone down.  
Alex nodded. “Sure. I’ll see if I can find us some food.”  
George got up and stretched. Alex did absolutely not watch him out of the corner of his eye.

George sat on a bar stool, watching Alex putter about in the kitchen. He had his head propped up with one hand and had to hold back a sigh. He wanted this to be his reality. Not an ill-advised, too short vacation to the other end of the world. He wanted to be able to sleep next to Alex again all the time, make stupid jokes after waking up, prepare meals together. Just be around each other almost every day without anyone asking stupid questions.   
Well, if George was totally honest, there were a lot more things than hanging out he would like to do with Alex, but he had long settled with the knowledge that this was not for him to claim. He had their friendship, and he desperately wanted to protect it. He thought about what Charles had said, that he had to tell Alex. He could do it… maybe the day before he flew back, just in case it got awkward after all. But wouldn’t Alex know right away that part of why George hadn’t told him was because he fancied him? Wouldn’t one confession provoke the other? Would Alex want to stay friends after he knew George had had a crush on him for years, or would he consider it too weird? He was afraid to break the trust between them, even if it was built on false asumptions.  
“Did you fall asleep with your eyes open?”   
George looked up at Alex when a bowl was pushed in front of him.  
“No… just…”  
“Worrying,” Alex finished the sentence for him.  
George shrugged. “Yeah, this and that…”  
“Okay, let’s make a deal. No more worrying while you’re here…” Alex smirked.  
George raised an eyebrow, “and your part of the deal?”  
“And I won’t tell anybody about that one time you accidentally dyed your underwear pink.”  
George laughed out loud. “You wouldn’t!”  
Alex leaned with both elbows on the counter between them and grinned. “Are you quite sure about that?”  
“Yes. Because if I told you I had written down every single embarrassing thing you have ever done…” George made a dramatic pause, “you actually wouldn’t put it past me.”

*

Of course they had not talked before George had left. Half a bottle of wine between them and they had fallen asleep on the sofa next to each other. And then there simply hadn't been enough time; during a quick breakfast, on the way to the airport or in the departure hall wasn't the moment to bring it up. George had thought about calling Alex, while he sat on one of the airport benches, that never let you get comfortable, no matter how hard you tried. But he couldn't tell Alex on the phone. Not when they had just spent more than a week together.  
Now George was at the airport again, this time waiting for his plane to Monaco to board.  
He was texting with Alex who had sent him a ton of pictures from a hike up some mountain.  
From Alex: still salty that you prefer Charles’ company to mine  
To Alex: You shouldn’t have asked me that late  
From Alex: okay, for every future event, I asked first  
From Alex: enjoy your trip to Monaco, don’t do anything I wouldn’t  
George bit onto his bottom lip.   
To Alex: that’s something I won’t promise  
His flight was called.  
To Alex: Boarding now  
From Alex: text me when you’ve arrived  
George slipped his phone into his back pocket, grabbed his cabin bag and walked towards the gate, throwing his paper cup away on the way. Why the hell was he so nervous? Actually, he knew exactly why he was nervous. During the previous weeks, Charles had texted him a lot of suggestions what they could get up to when they met. And George had more than once thought about changing his phone’s passcode to something Alex absolutely wouldn’t know, just to be safe. He hadn’t though. 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up: the porn chapter ;)


	11. Charles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here it is, the porn chapter. It’s not really essential for the story, if that’s not your thing. Although, looking at the rating, you've probably been waiting for a little more action.
> 
> Also, how did that get so ridiculously long? I have no idea!
> 
> As always: hope you'll enjoy

George sat on Charles’ sofa. The afternoon sun filtering in between the blinds, the weird lighting making it feel like they were stuck between sleeping and waking. It was warm, but not stuffy. A light breeze came through a half-opened window, letting the blinds flutter and the strips of light dance across the floor. They were lazy, each holding a glass of iced tea George had brought back from his holiday.   
“Not to sound scared or anything… but how does it work?” George asked.  
“I am sure you have read on the internet what you do to prepare?” Charles played with the drops of condensation building on the side of his glass.  
George shrugged, “Yeah, sure. But it sounds rather intimidating…”  
Charles laughed, but not in a mean way, “First of all you should let go of the impression porn gave you that you need to have anal sex every time.”  
George took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. He really needed to loosen up, he could not act like an awkward teenager and blush at everything Charles said.  
Charles grinned when George looked at him again, “There is a lot of fun to be had and all the preparation you need for it is a nice little shower.”  
“Okay. Noted.”  
“You also do not want to experiment too much before races,” Charles added and wiggled his eyebrows.  
George laughed. “Alright, alright, I got it.”  
Though laughing did help to diffuse the weirdness a little. They had known each other for years, had shared more than one crude joke. Talking about sex should not be that much of a problem, should it? And in fact, it wasn’t. But, George thought, talking about it was not all he had come here for, was it?  
Charles placed his empty glass on the table and ran cold, wet fingertips down George’s arm. “Stay with me, not in your head.”   
“It’s just… everything’s a little strange…” George admitted.  
Charles gave him a small smile and slipped a bit closer, “Can I kiss you?”  
George looked at him, “I guess.”  
Charles reached out with one hand, to cup his cheek. “If it feels too weird we can stop and never mention it again, okay?”  
At that George nodded, “Okay.”

It turned out kissing did not feel too weird.   
It did, in fact, feel good enough that in almost no time at all Charles had climbed onto George’s lap, being held there a little awkwardly with one hand because George still held his glass with the other. They were also both half-hard already from rubbing against each other.   
Charles slipped one hand down between them, lightly cupping George’s dick and immediately felt him recoil. Though of course he did not get far, being currently pressed into the sofa by Charles’ body.  
“Shit sorry, I didn’t mean to… go on,” George said, not quite meeting Charles’ gaze.  
Charles placed both hands on George’s cheeks. “Look at me,” he prompted.  
George looked into his eyes.  
“Good, now listen,” Charles told him. “You do not have to do anything with me. I will not get angry when you tell me to stop because you feel uncomfortable. I will get angry though if you do not tell me. You said you wanted to learn things. I cannot tell you what you have to know, that has to come from here,” he placed a hand over George’s heart. “But I can tell you what you want to know. There is a wrong time for the right things and I really do not want to do that to you, you understand?”  
George felt his head fill with so many questions, but most of all he felt confused. So, he could only nod mutely.  
“And the most important thing is to talk about things. So, if you cannot talk about it, you cannot do it,” Charles added.  
George licked his lips nervously. “How do you know so much, you make it sound like you’re ten years older, this is ridiculous!” George said.  
Charles snickered, “Because contrary to you I was not busy hiding from my… best friend but instead explored.”  
George protested, “But you come across so… clueless… innocent!”  
At that Charles gave him a sly smile, “Your perception is altered because you want to be deceived. I use that to my own advantage a lot, people see what they want to see.” He shrugged, “But I know what I want and can make people give it to me.” He bit his lip, frowning for a moment, “It was not always like that though. I let people take advantage of my… inexperience and I got,” he paused, searching for the right word, “overwhelmed sometimes by what happened to me. So I want you to stay away from my mistakes.”  
George frowned a little. “How many people have you slept with?”  
Charles grinned, “Ah, it is less about how many. More about how often.” He gave a little wink.  
George grinned and shook his head, “Yeah, I get that that makes more sense.”  
“Practice makes you better,” Charles said very seriously and they both laughed.  
Charles took the glass George was still holding and placed it onto the table behind him. Then he took hold of George’s hand and sucked on one of his fingertips.   
George inhaled nervously.   
“Tell me what happened,” Charles demanded while he placed George’s hand in his neck, smiling when the other’s fingertips started moving lightly against his hair.  
“I… was mainly surprised,” George told him.  
Charles raised an eyebrow asking ‘and?’ silently.  
“I don’t want you to stop touching me. In fact, I want you to touch me a whole lot more.”  
With a grin Charles leaned in to kiss George again. He let his hand wander downwards slowly, from George’s shoulder across his chest, deliberately letting him feel where he was moving and waiting until he felt him grow impatient before he moved on.   
George placed both hands on Charles’ hips, fingertips teasing the skin just above his waistband. As he grew more confident, he slipped his hands underneath Charles’ shirt to run them over his back. 

They took their time, Charles carefully checking for signs of discomfort until George said, “Stop worrying, I am really into this.” Then he used the moment of surprise to ‘help’ Charles out of his shirt.   
Charles looked at George then at the shirt that had gotten entangled around his watch. “I did not expect this.”  
Laughing, George took hold of Charles’s wrist to get rid of the shirt without ripping it, before he ran his hands up the other’s front, humming in appreciation. He leaned forward until his lips touched Charles’ collarbone.   
Charles leaned his head to one side, “You can bite my neck, a little… I like that.”  
George moved his lips to Charles’ neck, kissing the smooth skin, sucking very lightly before he let him briefly feel his teeth without any pressure. Charles whimpered softly and rolled his hips against George.   
Feeling encouraged by this reaction, George lightly nipped the skin.   
“It is okay if it leaves a mark, I do not mind,” Charles said.  
“Tell me before it gets too much, yeah?” George mumbled against the side of Charles’ neck and could feel him move when he nodded. The idea of leaving his mark on the other’s perfect body was a rather unexpected turn-on. And so George focussed his whole attention on Charles’ neck, let his mouth move across his throat and along his shoulders.  
“You know I do not expect you to,” Charles bent over and half-whispered into George’s ear, “but if you wanted to fuck me, I am prepared.”  
For a second George thought he saw stars, a few brain cells had probably ceased to exist, too. “Shit, Charles, you can’t just say that! Without warning.” He rested his head against the sofa’s backrest.  
Charles pointedly looked at his hand that was inside George’s pants, then back at George’s face. “What about this says ‘without warning’ to you?” For emphasis he gave a careful squeeze with his fist, causing George’s hips to buck up, pushing into his hand.

They ended up stretched out on the sofa with Charles still in his jeans kneeling above George. Who was stark naked and didn’t feel one bit ashamed about it when he arched his back as Charles kissed the skin right below his navel.  
George pushed one hand into Charles hair, it felt soft against his fingers.   
Charles sucked on George’s skin.   
George’s grip tightened on Charles’ hair and he pulled Charles’ head back, maybe a little harder than intended as a reaction to Charles coincidentally having met a rather ticklish spot.  
Charles gave a little moan and looked at George with half-closed eyes. “Do that again.”  
George tugged sharply at his hair once more.   
“Feels good,” Charles told him, his words more moaned than spoken. “Come on then, show me where you want me.”  
George pressed his eyes shut for a second and therefore missed Charles’ smug grin. “That’s hot.”  
“Good.” Charles pressed kisses onto George’s skin, letting the other guide him. George did so, tentatively at first but with a lot more confidence and purpose once Charles’ lips wrapped around his dick.  
George would be embarrassed by how quickly he was brought to the edge, if he had any capacity to feel anything but arousal. He briefly marvelled that it did feel different without a condom. They had talked about this specific matter before, had worked out that it was safe and that they felt comfortable enough with it – at least for any oral experiences.   
It was driving George crazy that Charles knew exactly how much he had him at his mercy but as soon as George stopped being in charge, he would simply decrease movement.   
“Charles, don’t torture me, please…” George had one hand only loosely tangled in Charles’ hair, the other held tight onto the side of the sofa. He dared to look at Charles, who was only lazily bobbing his head, cheeks a little hollowed around his dick.  
“Just stop holding back and take what you want,” Charles encouraged him.  
George felt his heartbeat in his throat. “I don’t…”  
“Stop worrying, I will just pinch your thigh if it gets too much, alright?” Charles said, teasingly running his tongue along the other’s dick. “Just let me know before you come, I do not swallow,” he grinned.  
George nodded. He slipped his hand to the back of Charles head and slowly pushed into his mouth when Charles wrapped his lips around his dick once more. George let his head drop back down onto the sofa, every single nerve in his body focussed on the increasing movement of his hips, focussed on chasing orgasm. He did manage to stay conscious enough to alert Charles to pull away and finish him off with a few quick strokes.   
George looked at Charles, out of breath and slumped against the sofa feeling completely boneless. He gave a small chuckle at the slightly indignant expression on Charles’ face as he reached for a napkin on the table to clean his hand.   
Charles looked at him pointedly “I told you, I do not like messy things…”  
“That’s a pity,” George pushed himself into a sitting position, placed one hand in Charles’ neck and pulled him in for a lazy kiss. “And here I was thinking you might want to get a little dirty yourself.”  
Charles ran the napkin over George’s stomach before he crumpled it up and dropped it onto the floor. “I think my bedroom would be better suited for that… the sheets are easier to clean than the sofa…”  
“And you would know,” George teased him.  
“It does not mean I do not care.”

George sat on Charles’ bed, leaning against the cool wall behind it while he watched Charles undress seemingly without any embarrassment.  
Charles then sat down on the bed, next to George’s thigh, and reached for his hand. “What happened there?” he asked and pointed at a few cuts and scratches along his fingers and the back of his hand.  
“Spent three days at my parents’ and helped in the garden,” George laughed.  
“Hm…” Charles looked at George’s hand doubtfully, checking his other hand as well. It looked the same.  
“Anything the matter?” George asked with a raised eyebrow.  
Charles bent down towards a drawer in his nightstand. He threw a bottle onto the bed next to him, George could identify it as lube even if the label was in French, and held something black out towards George.  
On closer inspection, it turned out to be a nitrile glove.   
“This might sound unsexy to you now, but I need some… stretching before I let your cock anywhere near. And I would like you to do it, if you want to, but not with your hands looking like this,” Charles explained gesturing with his hands.  
And for the first time George got the impression that the other was maybe a little nervous after all. So he smiled and nodded, “I would like to.” He patted Charles’ hand with the one that was not holding the glove, “And safe is not unsexy.”  
Charles smiled at George, “I am glad you feel more relaxed now.”  
George laughed, “I have no idea what reason that might have.”  
At that Charles smirked, “Is it too soon to remind you?” He ran a hand up George’s thigh and leaned in to kiss him. “Non, not too soon.”  
With another laugh George pulled Charles closer until he straddled his lap. He held up the glove, “How do you want to do this?”  
“Maybe kiss me some more, first.”  
George let the glove drop onto the mattress immediately, wrapping one arm around Charles’ waist to pull him close. He kissed him while his second hand sought out Charles’ nipple, teasing sounds that could best be described as purring out of him.  
They were both impatient though, so it did not stay at kissing for long.   
Charles pulled away. He grabbed the glove and lube and held it out to George, “Are you sure?”  
George nodded, “Sure and rather eager, actually.” He grinned and took the offered items. And maybe he imagined it, but did Charles’ cheeks turn a little redder? He wouldn’t find out, since Charles turned his back to George.   
“Do take your time, yes? This is about me for now, so do not get impatient.”  
“Charles, are you nervous?” George asked, trying to get the glove to fit over his slightly sweaty hand.  
“Yes, of course I am,” Charles said with a small glance at George, then he knelt before him, elbows on the mattress.   
“Come on, you like to be bossy, this is your one chance I will actually listen,” George teased.  
“Get to work then!”   
George coated his gloved fingers generously with the lube, he had done some research after all. He ran his other hand down Charles’ back along his spine and felt him arch into the touch when he reached his buttocks. Charles’ knees spread even wider so that he almost lay across George’s thighs.   
George tentatively ran a slippery finger along Charles’ hole, feeling the tight ring of muscles. He moved his fingers broadly around it, circles getting smaller when he felt the tension leaving from Charles’ back. He carefully breached the barrier with one fingertip and immediately felt the muscles grip it. Charles made an appreciative sound, so George moved his finger in a little deeper. He moved in and out slowly, helped by the lube and gradually felt Charles’ muscles relax. Once he could slip his finger in without much resistance he added a little downwards movement which had Charles’s hips jerk and drew a sharp gasp from him.  
“Good?”  
“Yes,” Charles said through clenched teeth. “Congratulations, you found the magic spot,” Charles wiggled his hips impatiently, “now would you please keep doing that.”  
George chuckled, instead of an answer he rubbed his finger over the same spot repeatedly. Watching in wonder how Charles started writhing and pushing against his finger.  
“Do add a second finger before I do this myself, yes?” Charles snapped.  
Of course George did as he was told. It didn’t take long until Charles asked him to ‘add another one, come on now’. 

Charles pushed his upper body up from the bed and pulled away from George’s hands. He reached for his nightstand drawer once more, muttering under his breath.   
George raised an eyebrow and was about to ask what was going on when Charles flipped a condom at him. It hit his chest and dropped right into his upturned palm.  
“I would be impressed, but I do not have enough patience for that,” Charles huffed.  
George took off the glove and ripped the condom wrapper open while Charles crawled back into his previous position. He rolled the condom on, then added lube once more and move closer to Charles. George opened his mouth to speak when Charles beat him to it.  
“Yes now, if you would.”  
George placed one hand loosely on Charles hip, positioned himself and slowly pushed into him. It felt very different from having a hand or a mouth wrapped around his dick and he had to close his eyes for a moment to concentrate on breathing.   
Charles did not wait until George started moving, he just began rocking back and forth himself, quickly increasing the speed.   
George knew he had to stop Charles from moving so fast, otherwise this would be over in a matter of seconds. So George gripped Charles’ hips tightly to slow him down. He then let his hands wander from his hip bones towards his stomach and further along his chest, pulling Charles up until he leaned against him, back to chest. Charles’s skin felt hot against his own and he could feel sweat gather where their bodies touched.   
George kissed the side of Charles’ neck and started to push into him. Slowly at first, then faster and with more force as Charles took one of George’s hands to guide it towards his dick.  
George held Charles against his chest with one hand right below Charles’ throat while he rocked his hips upwards as hard and fast as he could without losing his balance. At the same time, he moved one fist around his Charles’ dick.   
He was glad that Charles had gotten him off earlier, otherwise he would already have exploded. When he felt Charles spill over his hand though, George stopped holding back and came moments after him.   
They were both panting when they tumbled down onto the mattress. For a few minutes they just lay there, listening to their breathing and the muffled sound of the afternoon traffic coming from outside. Eventually George sat up, got rid of the condom and grabbed one of the small towels that lay on the night stand.   
George easily rolled Charles onto his back. He pressed a small kiss onto his chest before he wiped the towel across his stomach.   
Charles gave him a lazy smile. He would mock him for it, if he had the energy. “I think I need a nap…” Charles stretched lazily.   
George lay down on his side next to him. “I don’t have the energy to disagree.” 

It was almost dark outside when George woke up. His skin felt sticky and warm. He first noticed the blanket that covered him, then that the spot next to him was empty.   
As if he had a sixth sense, Charles entered the bed room at that moment. “Oh, you are awake.” He was wearing boxer shorts and a muscle shirt, his hair still looking a mess.  
George sat up and let the blanket fall to his lap. Noticing how his muscles protested against moving. He also noticed that Charles gaze followed the movement of the blanket and raised one eyebrow at him.  
“What? Let me look, you always show off anyways.”  
That made George laugh.   
“Let’s take a shower together, I can help you clean up,” Charles suggested.  
George looked unsure.  
“Come on,” Charles encouraged, “I ordered food, this will help us save time.”

They did shower together. It did not save them time. Even though they didn’t do much more than actually shower. And talk. And laugh. And flood most of the bathroom since they suddenly felt the need to have a water fight like they were children.  
They sat at the dinner table, hair dried but not styled, wearing light hoodies and shorts. The empty plates were on the table between them. Charles was opening a bottle of wine while George checked the messages on his phone.  
Charles filled two glasses and George put his phone to the side. Alex had sent him a message earlier, but he was probably asleep by now on the other end of the world. George felt like he couldn’t text him right now. It did feel like he was cheating somehow. That feeling was new. He had never had a bad conscience for anything he had done on his nights out. He rubbed his cheeks with both hands.  
“Are you having second thoughts?” Charles asked.  
George looked at him questioningly.  
Charles clarified. “You look like you are considering to panic.”  
“No,” George shook his head. “I will not panic.”  
“Did you find out what you hoped?” Charles raised his glass and George copied him.  
“I definitely made a lot of experiences.”  
They drank their wine in silence.  
“I feel like there is something on your mind that bothers you,” Charles stared at George for a moment. “And if I were to make a guess…”   
George held up his hand and Charles stopped talking.  
“I really don’t think I can have a serious conversation right now.” George played with the glass in his hands.  
Charles leaned forward across the table. “You can talk to me if you want to.”

*

They did not talk. The spent the next three days cycling in the hills, walking around the area, swimming, playing games against each other – the same things they always did when they met.   
It was only on the last evening George would be there, that Charles asked, “So, would you like me to teach you some more?”  
It took a second until the meaning had caught up with George’s brain. He felt torn. He was definitely not averse to sleeping with Charles again, but he also didn’t want to establish something he wasn’t willing to keep up.  
The sat outside on the balcony, looking across the harbour while the sun set.   
“You do not have to agree, George.”  
George sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want to...”  
“Can I ask you a question and will you give me an honest answer?” Charles leaned against his shoulder.  
George swallowed. “Sure.”  
“I have thought about what you said, when we met in that bar in France. And I have watched you, at the press conferences around the last race and on your phone this week. I think the reason why you never told Alex about your sexuality is because you are in love with him. Is that right?” Charles studied the other’s face carefully. It was a little risky to put him on the spot like this, but he felt very certain.  
George’s shoulders slumped. “Yes, that’s part of it at least.”  
“Do you have a bad conscience because of this, with us?”  
George shrugged. “It’s a little silly, but I think so.”  
“It is stupid, but I understand,” Charles agreed. “And you really should talk to Alex.” George took a breath to object, but Charles didn’t let him speak. “Do not start again that it is complicated. You are just scared, it is only an excuse, non?”  
George pressed his lips together.   
“It will not get better the longer you wait.”   
Automatically George nodded.   
“Stop nodding if you do not actually agree,” Charles warned.  
George looked at him. “Does your offer still stand?”  
Charles raised an eyebrow. “Do you just want me to shut up?”   
“Will it work?”  
Charles gave a little shrug with one shoulder then grinned. “Yes.”  
George got up and offered his hand to Charles. “Well then, let’s go.”

Charles pulled George into the bathroom. He closed the door, leaned against it and pulled George in for a kiss. Neither needed much convincing after that.   
They lost their clothes and stepped under the warm spray of the shower, still kissing until George dropped to his knees in front of Charles, looking up at him questioningly.  
Charles ran a hand through George’s hair and nodded. He bit his lip and let his head sink against the tiles when he felt Georges’ lips wrap around his dick. It felt good. He looked down, slipped his hand to the back of the other’s head and very gently rocked his hips forward. He saw George nod and set a slow rhythm, getting faster when he got closer to reaching the peak. Charles tapped George’s shoulder, to signal him to pull off before he came. But George didn’t. Instead he pushed Charles hips back against the wall and took him in as far as he could. Too surprised, and frankly too turned on by the unexpected move, Charles felt himself release immediately.  
George got up, rinsed his face under the shower and grinned at Charles, who still leaned against the wall, panting. “No mess, right?”  
Charles shook his head, “Unbelievable.”  
George winked.  
They proceeded to actually take a shower.  
“George?” Charles asked.  
“Hm?”  
Charles ran one soapy hand down the other’s spine, letting it rest very low on his on his back, one finger suggestively slipping between his buttocks. “Can I finger you?”  
“I… don’t know,” George said, his heart suddenly racing.  
“Are you not curious what it feels like?” Charles slipped his hand a little lower.  
“Yeah, but I don’t think I want…”   
Charles kissed George to cut him off.  
“I do not intend to do more. That is not really my thing, and you are right, you are not ready for that anyways… but I want you to know what it feels like, what you did to me the other day.” Charles looked into George’s eyes and held his gaze.  
“I promise I will stop as soon as you tell me to, if you do not like it. Just pick a word.”  
“A word?” George asked, his voice a little husky.  
“Yes, something unsexy, that otherwise you would not say during…”  
“What, like Ferrari?” George laughed.  
Charles hit his upper arm, maybe a little harder than necessary. “We can also just sit down and play video games. And see how unsexy Ferrari is when I lap you next time.”  
George laughed even louder and the other’s indignant face.  
“You want to be hit again?” Charles asked, but his lip curled upwards with the beginning of a smile.   
George shrugged, “Not particularly, no.” He raised an eyebrow. “Do you?”  
Charles shrugged, “Sometimes, but not from you.”  
They looked at each other, warm water still raining down onto them.  
“So, can I?” Charles asked.  
George nodded.

Charles left the shower for a moment and returned with a small bottle.   
“Did you just pull lube from a cabinet in your bathroom?” George asked him incredulously.   
“Are you going to mock me for making things a lot more convenient?” Charles gave back.  
“I guess not?”  
“Good choice,” Charles kissed George’s cheek. He moved them a little away from the spray of water before he opened the bottle and squeezed some lube onto his fingers. “Relax and enjoy, yes?”  
George did not relax immediately, but when Charles gently touched him, when he felt the nerve ends react in a not altogether unpleasant way, the tension slowly left his body. Feeling the slippery finger probe him was weird and George’s brows furrowed a little.  
“You still good?” Charles asked.  
“Yes.”  
Charles leaned up to kiss George, and it might have been to distract him a little because the next thing George noticed was pleasure spiking through him. His hips rocked against Charles’ hand on their own accord and George looked at the other with wide eyes.  
“Feels nice, non?”  
George could not reply because Charles started to move his finger with more purpose now. He wrapped his other hand around George’s dick and GEorge did not even attempt to hold back.  
They finished the shower and each took a huge towel to dry off.   
There was a moment of awkward silence before both started talking about a random topic at once. They looked at each other and laughed.  
“Right. I guess we are not talking about this,” Charles motioned towards his shower, “anymore?”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcome <3


	12. Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New week, new chapter. And they're still being idiots.   
> Have fun.

George closed the messenger app for probably the hundredth time since he had returned home. He knew he should text Charles. He knew he should text Alex. But what was he going to say?  
‘Thanks Charles for letting me practice on you, you’re a good mate’ or ‘hey Alex, I’m scared to tell you that I love you so I fucked someone else and, by the way, it’s one of our friends’? Yeah, both were definitely speaking for his character.   
Truth was he had a bad conscience and he knew technically he shouldn’t have. For all he knew he was probably never going to tell Alex anything and he did not plan to spend the rest of his life alone.   
George rubbed his forehead. He needed to get a grip, before someone asked if he was okay. He had the feeling he might confess to everything if asked at the wrong moment.  
George let his head drop onto the backrest of his sofa, staring at the irregularities at his ceiling until his mobile vibrated next to his thigh.  
It was their gaming group chat and Lando asked them if they could all have a chat before the season picked up again.

*

“It is a million degrees, why do you have your shirt on, George?”  
George looked down at his white t-shirt, “Didn’t feel like taking it off…” he said casually.  
And all hell broke loose when his three friends all started talking at the same time.   
“Who are you and where is the real George?” made even George himself laugh. Though he shot angry looks at the tiny picture of Charles, who knew exactly why he was wearing the shirt.  
“Go on, take it off, we all know you want to,” Lando prompted. “I never thought I’d say this at some point…” he muttered.  
“No, I’m good, really. It’s a bit chilly over here, actually,” George tried. They could probably see that he lied, even in the shade he felt the drops of sweat trickle down his neck.   
“Bullshit,” Charles told him.  
George looked at him, and shook his head, “How do you know, you’re not even in the same country.”  
Charles shrugged. “As if cold has ever stopped you,” he gave back.  
“Well, it’s still my decision,” George told him, the rising anger made it come out harshly.  
“Hey, what’s gotten into you, why are you two fighting?” Alex asked, trying to calm them down.  
“Charles is trying to be a back-stabbing bastard,” George spat.  
“At least I am not lying to my best friend,” Charles countered.  
Lando and Alex stared into the camera, unable to understand what was going on. George glared.  
“Who is lying to whom?” Alex asked and they could see how he was checking all of their video feeds. He was the only one who sat inside, being the only one in a different time zone where it was night instead of early afternoon.  
“Well, it’s not me,” Lando said, “I am physically unable to lie.”  
“I fucking hate you, Charles,” George told him.  
“No you do not. In fact, you will thank me.” Charles grinned. He sounded cheerful. And George felt the urge to strangle him.  
“There is your opener, now make the most of it.” Charles switched off his video feed.  
“What… did just happen?” Lando wondered.   
George looked at Alex and knew he was looking back at him. A moment of strained silence followed. Only interrupted by the sound of a mobile phone vibrating against a table.   
Lando picked up the phone. They could see his camera picture move around when he checked the message “Well, Charles texted me to leave the video call… I guess I will do that and die of curiosity…. Catch you later…maybe?” with that he, too, cut off the call.  
“George?” Alex asked. One eyebrow raised.  
George stared at Alex’s face that now filled the whole screen. He knew in his twisted way Charles had meant well. “I don’t want to do this over the phone,” George complained.  
“Well, it’s a video call, so… what is it Charles wants you to tell me?” Alex leaned back in his chair.  
George looked down at his knees, “I don’t know how to…,” he paused. “I should have talked to you so long ago...”  
When the other didn’t continue, Alex asked, “Are you together, you and Charles?”  
George’s head snapped up to fix Alex as he vehemently shook his head. “No!”  
“But?” Alex prompted.  
“Last week, when I visited him in his home in Monaco,” George looked at the lower corner of the screen, not quite able to face Alex’s expression when he told him, “we did have sex though.”  
Alex took a deep breath. “So, why aren’t you together?” He felt like someone was squeezing his chest, making it impossible to get enough air into his lungs, it was really uncomfortable. But he had waited for this conversation for such a long time and he would not back out now, when it might finally happen.  
George inhaled audibly, “I’m not in love with Charles. I… well, okay, I guess you deserve the full story. I went to a bar, in France, and coincidentally met him there and…” he could feel his face heat up, but he had already passed the point of no return, hadn’t he? So he might as well come clean now. “He offered to teach me a few things and I like him well enough that it sounded like a good and safe option to explore.”  
Alex felt a little confused. He had always suspected that George was doing some ‘exploring’ but just never told him about it. “I’m afraid I can’t follow.”  
“I never dared to tell you that I wanted to date guys, so… I went out sometimes, had some make-out sessions in alleys behind clubs or in the restrooms, but never further than a hand-job, or blow-job… that’s what I told Charles.” George confessed quietly. He felt a lot more nervous talking about it than doing what he had described.  
“Well, why didn’t you just find yourself a boyfriend?” Alex gave his best to be calm about this, matter-of-fact, reasonable even if it was one of the last things he felt, knowing that this was by far not the end of their conversation. He had always been prepared for the inevitable heartbreak, but could he ever truly be ready for it?  
Now George looked up and Alex felt like he was staring directly into his soul.  
“I didn’t want to lie to you. Not telling you about these encounters was bad enough, but keeping a relationship secret from you? No, I wouldn’t have done that! Couldn’t have! So I never went on a date with anyone. I mean… I still kept things from you, but technically I never lied to you.” ‘As if that makes any of this better’, George thought.  
Alex just stared. His mouth felt dry and he licked his lips. “Why?”  
“Why what?”  
“Wouldn’t it have been easier to just tell me? Surely you don’t think I wouldn’t accept it?” Alex asked.  
George shook his head, “No, that wasn’t what I was scared of. You are a wonderful person, Alex. And I am glad to have someone like you in my life who will always have my back!”  
“Yet you couldn’t tell me,” Alex reminded him. He thought about making it easier by confessing that he had known. But a part of him was still hurt that George had kept the secret for so long. But most of all he wanted to finally understand why.  
“It’s complicated,” George pressed his lips together, his fingers nervously rubbing his chin, a stupid habit that was a bit distracting to Alex.  
“It won’t get easier if you carry it around with you, George. You aren’t usually withholding facts…” Alex said and it made George laugh a little.  
“You can get angry, but you have to forgive me,” George pleaded.   
And Alex really wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay, but all he could do was nod mutely. There were roughly 10.000 kilometres between them and right then he could feel every single one weigh him down.  
“Back when I was practically living with you… your mother made me promise I would not corrupt you, and I was really scared of the consequences if I did. I don’t know why she suspected anything or why she felt the need to warn me off, not you. But, Alex, believe me, I wasn’t even sure about anything and she terrified me! And I wanted to protect you. We were always so close, so it was really hard not to tell you when I had finally figured it out. I stopped being scared of your mother finding out, but at that point I had kind of missed the right time to tell you without it being really, really awkward. So I hid behind it having been a promise, I guess. Please forgive me,” George looked at Alex like he was expecting him to hang up and never talk to him again.  
And it broke Alex’s heart a little. “I will forgive you, but only…” he swallowed, his throat felt very dry, “Only if you forgive me as well.”  
“What?” George looked puzzled.  
Alex could not look into the camera, but he had to tell George now, it was only fair. “I knew.”  
There was a pause, then George said, “I don’t understand.”  
“I knew what my mom said to you, because I stood in the hall,” Alex finally admitted.  
“You could have said something!” George sounded defeated rather than angry.   
“I was as scared as you were. I was convinced she would forbid us to meet if she found out. Which sounds stupid, I know, but I liked you being around all the time and I didn’t want to jeopardize it. I was worried for a while that you would stop coming to the house, because you felt awkward. Later, I felt angry that you wouldn’t tell me, that you didn’t trust me. But then I got insecure, I thought she might have just gotten it wrong and there was nothing to tell. You know over-thinking is what I do best!” Alex lifted his gaze. He knew that this wasn’t all he had to confess, but it had been a lot already.  
George gave a small laugh, his eyes looked a bit red, “Aren’t we two complete idiots…”  
Alex could only agree, “Yes, we are. But at least we know.”  
“I can’t believe you knew,” George sighed.  
“Sorry,” Alex gave him a sheepish grin, “but technically I only suspected I knew.”   
“Is that why you panicked whenever I wanted to stay over at your hotel room?” George wondered.  
Alex sighed. “No and yes. I didn’t mind you staying over, ever. I miss sharing a room more than I will ever again admit, but I was worried people would notice and start to dig into our private lives and… you know how it is, the bubble we live in!”  
George nodded, “It just sucks. And I really don’t want to damage your reputation.”  
Alex’s brows furrow. “My reputation? Wouldn’t it be yours as well?”  
George waved his hand. “It wouldn’t be wrong though, in my case.”  
Alex pressed his lips together. ‘Say something, tell him’, is brain shouted at him. But he couldn’t, so he made a non-descript noise. And he decided that it was time to divert them from this topic. “So, what is it Charles wanted us… or rather me… to see?”  
George hesitated for another moment, then grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off over his head. Four red lines stretched from the middle of his chest to his shoulder. George did not make eye-contact when he said, “I know what it looks like, but this isn’t actually from sex.”  
“It looks like it should have been fun.” Alex stated dryly.  
“We were playing video games, disagreed and had a little,” George raised his fingers for some air quotes, “fight.”  
Alex snorted, “You, of course, having been shirtless,”  
“Yeah,” George admitted looking almost bashful.  
“Well, while I do believe you, I would of course have jumped to conclusions.” Alex laughed. He felt lighter than he had in weeks. Or months. Probably years, now that he thought about it. If only there wasn’t this one thing that had been left unsaid… 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look... I promise we will get there eventually. There's only two more chapters left.


	13. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we've come so far...  
> time for a little reward, don't you think?  
> Enjoy <3

“When are you flying out to Belgium?” Alex asked.  
“Tuesday, why?” George tried to hold the phone between his shoulder and ear, knowing he shouldn’t do it but he was running late with packing his things for a meeting.  
“Great, can we meet Tuesday evening?” Alex asked. He had made up his mind, and he knew telling George that he was in love with him, had been for the last few years, right before a race was probably a shitty thing to do, but if all went wrong he would at least have something to distract him.   
“Yeah, sure,” George gave back. “As if I’d tell you ‘no’ anyways.”  
Alex laughed, “I don’t know your plans, I didn’t want to assume…”  
“Hold it, even if I had plans, which I do not, I would make room for you,” George said and Alex felt his heart beat a little faster.   
Alex opened his mouth and closed it again, unable to find a clever retort.  
George grinned. “Are we in the same hotel?”  
Alex laughed at him. “George, I know you read the memos at least a hundred times and probably take notes while you do, how can you not know this?”  
“Are we?” George repeated his question.  
“Yes, we are in the same hotel,” Alex confirmed.  
“Are you good to stay over?” George wondered. “It’s only going to be Tuesday.”  
“Hm… I think so,” Alex said. It all depended on how their conversation went, didn’t it? “If you want me to.”  
“Sure,” George immediately affirmed. “I’ll leave the spare key card at the reception for you then.”   
“Great!” Alex tried to ignore the antsy feeling he got. He really needed to stay calm. And most importantly see it through.

*

“Did you really have to use that?” Alex held up an envelope with the Williams logo printed across the front.   
George shrugged. “Forgot to bring one,” he explained. “That was the only one I could get a hold of… I thought you might not want the person at the front desk to know you were picking up a different room key…”  
“Well, you are correct in that assumption,” Alex dropped the envelope onto the table and slipped the card into his back pocket.  
George couldn’t help but smirk.  
“Unfortunately, the ‘person at the front desk’ handed it over to me with half my team watching,” Alex made an effort to sound pissed off, where actually he had passed the stage of embarrassment and only wanted to laugh about it. They didn’t know anything and them being friends wasn’t exactly a secret. And some teasing would just improve the over-all mood.  
George shrugged once more, “Well, it could have been all of your team…”  
Then they both burst out laughing.  
“Yeah, maybe not my finest moment of subtlety,” George admitted, scratching his chin. He sat down on his bed and watched Alex take the armchair.  
They chatted about their flights for a moment, about the latest gossip they had picked up and so on, until George asked, “So… when you asked if you could come over… did you have a specific reason? It kind of sounded like that.”  
Alex took a deep breath. That was his cue. How could it be so hard? At least part of the confession he had to make should be really easy.   
George looked at Alex, trying to read him, probably.  
“I haven’t been completely honest with you…” Alex looked down at his hands. He did not want to see George’s reaction. “When you told me you liked men, I should have told you this right away. But I didn’t, because I was scared. Am scared,” his voice shook a little and he took another deep breath. In the deep silence of the room he could almost hear George tense up, if it hadn’t been for his own blood rushing in his ears. “And I thought about just telling you ‘I do, too’. But that’s not the truth… there’s only one man that I have ever liked… loved. And that’s you.” Alex held his breath and glanced up at the other.  
George just sat there on his bed, elbows on his knees and one hand covering his mouth. He was staring at Alex with wide eyes.  
“I can go, if you like,” Alex said, voice barely more than a whisper.  
“No!”  
The single syllable, even though it had been spoken quietly, seemed to echo in the silent room.  
But it gave Alex hope beyond anything he had thought possible. It gave him courage to look up to catch George’s eyes. And it made him bold enough to grab the hand George held out for him.  
George pulled Alex closer by his hand until he had sat down next to him. He gripped Alex’s fingers tightly, not caring that it might hurt because he needed it to ground himself.   
Alex waited for George to speak, sensing that he needed the time.  
“Alex!”  
Suddenly George wrapped both arms around Alex’s neck and pulled him close, forehead pressed against Alex’s collarbone. He took deep, shuddering breaths and Alex carefully placed his palms on George’s back, to help him calm down.  
When he finally started, George spoke against Alex’s shoulder, “I have convinced myself, for the last few years, that if I ever, ever told you how I felt… that I would lose you.”   
Alex placed one hand under George’s chin, gently prompting him to look up. The raw emotion expressed on the other’s face almost took Alex’s breath away.  
George placed a shaky hand against Alex’s cheek before he pulled him in for a short, chaste kiss. “I love you,” he mumbled against Alex’s lips.

*

“I would really like to kiss you,” George said quietly.  
Alex turned towards him. “I would really like that, too.”  
“Great,” George said.  
Alex chuckled, “Well, why don’t you?”  
George bit his lower lip. “I think I might faint.”  
Alex grinned and moved so he could lean over George, placing one arm on the sofa’s backrest next to his shoulder. “Well, I better prepare to catch you then, because I am going to kiss you now.”  
And so Alex gently covered George’s lips with his. They deepened the kiss after a few seconds, moved their lips against each other while gaining confidence.   
Alex raised his hand to cover George’s cheek and broke their kiss when his fingers got wet.  
“Are you crying?”  
“No?” George sniffled a little.  
“I sure hope it’s not because it’s so bad,” Alex teased.  
George lifted one hand to Alex’s neck, the sound he made was somewhere between a laugh and a snort. “No, idiot. I’ve just waited way too long for this.” Then he pulled him back in.  
“I’ll never stop kissing you again, to make up for the time we lost,” Alex kissed George’s cheek, his jaw, then his lips once more. 

“What are you doing?!” George asked and sounded alarmed.  
Alex chuckled, “You really have to ask?” He knelt on the floor in front of the sofa, between George’s feet and had his hands on his thighs. From his position he could clearly see that it was not only him who was turned on by their make-out session.  
George gave the impression of a fish out of water, but didn’t say anything.  
Alex pushed his hands upwards over the soft material of the other’s sweatpants until his thumbs almost touched his dick. “I thought you might want a little help with that.”  
George groaned, “Are you trying to kill me?”  
“Only a little death,” Alex winked. True, he hadn’t done this, but how hard could it be?  
Alex pulled George’s face closer with a hand in his neck, so he could kiss him. His other hand covered George’s dick through the clothes. It was enough to make him gasp. Alex lightly rubbed his hand over the fabric. Encouraged by George’s hips moving towards him he applied a little more pressure.   
George let his hands rest on Alex’s shoulders. Pressing their foreheads together and squeezing his eyes shut as Alex’s slipped a hand into his pants. George gasped again when Alex wrapped a hand around his dick and started moving it slowly up and down. It was a little too dry at first, but not to the point where it would have been uncomfortable, and that changed rather quickly anyways. George held his breath when Alex’s hand moved faster and his fingers applied more pressure. It wasn’t the most skilled performance, but to George it was easily the best thing he had ever experienced.  
“Keep breathing,” Alex whispered.  
George drew in a shaky breath and moaned when he had to exhale eventually. He knew he would not last much longer and decided he did not care if he should feel embarrassed by that. So he stopped holding back and moved his hips to Alex’s rhythm.  
“George,” Alex’s breath was warm against George’s cheek, “Can you look at me?”  
With his heart beating rapidly in his chest George opened his eyes and lifted his gaze enough to catch Alex’s. And it was just too much. The moment their eyes met, George felt tension turning into relief and he came across Alex’s hand, probably his shirt, too, but he didn’t really care. His head dropped onto Alex’s shoulder and the felt an arm wrap around his back.  
It took a moment before George had gathered enough brain cells to reactivate speech, still a muttered ‘fuck’ was all he managed.  
Alex chuckled, “Not when this is too much already.”  
George lifted his head to look at him. “What the hell was that?”  
Alex shrugged, “Think it’s called orgasm.”  
George pushed against the other’s shoulder. “That’s not what I meant, idiot.”  
“Is that really what you want to call me right now?” Alex lifted his dirty hand a wriggled his fingers a little.  
“Yeah, this is exactly what I want to call you,” George said and kissed his cheek. “With a lot of affection.”  
“Ah,” Alex said. Then he grinned and simply wiped his hand off on George’s shirt.  
George looked at him, torn between ‘that’s hot’ and ‘gross’. He was about to complain when Alex beat him to it.  
“Well, I can’t exactly use the carpet now, can I?”  
George shook his head with exasperation, “I am pretty sure they provide towels and tissues at this hotel, five stars and all, you know.” He did have to grin though.  
“But that would mean I had to get up,” Alex complained.  
“You do have to get up anyways, if you don’t want to find out very soon what carpet burn feels like.”

*

“I really do need to sneak out of your room before everyone is up this time,” Alex laughed.  
“Sure, I won’t keep you,” George replied, lifting the bedcovers to invite Alex to lie down next to him.   
Alex set an alarm and placed the phone on the nightstand before he followed the invitation. “Of course. You never do,” Alex stated dryly while he lay down on his back.   
George’s expression got very smug, “Is it my fault that you let yourself get distracted so easily?”  
At that moment Alex’s phone rang with a message alert. He turned onto his side and reached for it. He didn’t check the message though, instead he simply switched the sound off.  
George wrapped one arm around Alex’s middle and snuggled against his back. He pressed a kiss onto Alex’s shoulder through his t-shirt. “Do you have any idea how many times I have imagined doing exactly this but had to hold myself back? How many nights I almost did it anyways?”  
“While I wish that maybe you had,” Alex covered George’s hand with his own, “I am just so happy that we both don’t have to hold back anymore.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcome ;)


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we go, last chapter!   
> Thank you for following me on this journey, I hope you had fun.   
> If you enjoyed this (or if you didn't and still made it this far in hopes it would get better), leave a comment <3  
> And thanks again for everyone who helped me working on this, you are awesome.

Alex sat down onto the hotel bed, stretched his legs, placed his phone onto the nightstand and flopped down onto his back. With precisely no care about the papers thrown all over the covers, scrunching some of them up in the process.  
George looked at him with amusement from where he stood next to the door. Those were the pages he had already finished reading anyways.  
“My brother has officially reached the next step in his weirdness level,” Alex declared.  
George chuckled. “What has he done now?”  
“When I arrived home, he hugged me. And then he held me at arm’s length, looked me in the eye and asked with the most serious voice ‘who did you steal this hoodie from, this is not your perfume’. Like, why the hell would he even notice something like that?”  
“What did you tell him?” George asked.  
“The truth. That is was yours.”  
George walked across the room and set down next to Alex.  
“And do you know what the little shit replied? ‘Oh, did he take pity on you and your poor clothing choices?’ I swear, at some point I am murdering him,” Alex crossed his arms over his chest.  
George bent over him to kiss his forehead, laughing, “You poor thing.”  
“Anyways… what I actually wanted to tell you,” Alex looked up into George’s eyes, “I told my siblings about us while I was home.”  
George simply smiled.   
“The common consensus was ‘finally’, ‘don’t hurt him or we will come for you’ directed at me, by the way, and ‘tell him to pop in more often again’. So, while I am not sure where family loyalties actually lie, they were all very positive,” Alex reached up to caress George’s cheek.  
George’s smile grew bigger, “That’s great.”  
“You know, I wasn’t sure about telling them just yet. But then it felt right. They kept teasing me because I spent so much time on the phone. They made jokes about me missing someone special because apparently I kept cuddling the cats more than usually,” Alex laughed.  
“Meaning you carried around any one of the cats at all times.”  
Alex shrugged. “Basically yes. Not in the shower, but otherwise, yeah.”  
“Well, I’m glad I have one advantage over your cats then…” George smirked.  
“More than one,” Alex replied. “And I would prefer if you just let this stand uncommented.”  
George grabbed the papers from the bed and placed them on the nightstand before he lay down on the bed next to Alex. “So…” he started. “Do you plan to tell your mom?”  
Alex gave a long-drawn sigh. “Yeah. I’m not keen on having that conversation but how can I not tell her? I mean... let’s face it, she has probably known for a long time anyways…”  
George looked at him. “I will be there, if you want me to.”  
Alex turned his head to the side and kissed the tip of George’s nose. “I know.”   
“I mean it!” George insisted. “It’s scary, but I will.”  
“I know. I envy that your parents are being so chill about it,” Alex chewed on his bottom lip.  
George reached out to cup Alex’s cheek and covered his lips with a thumb to make him stop. “I am their ‘baby’ though… I have always had a different measure put to my actions. Besides, they already have their grandchildren, son-in-law, daughter-in-law... they’re not ‘missing out’. You can’t really compare… don’t get me wrong, I know I am damn lucky.”  
“Yes, you are. And I wouldn’t want it any other way,” Alex kissed his thumb, then took George’s hand.  
“We are in this together, you can always count on me, you know that?” George asked.  
Alex nodded and smiled.

*

It was their first holiday together as a couple. It by far wasn’t the first time they had travelled together, just the two of them on their own, still this one felt special. It was winter break and they would return home in a couple of days to spend the holidays with their families. It had been a huge effort to come up with a schedule which day they would spend where, together and individually. After everything had been settled Alex had suggested they got away on their own, just for a couple of days, ‘somewhere warm’.  
Therefore, they had booked a last-minute flight and a room at a cheap little hotel they usually wouldn’t have looked at anymore – there was an absurd level of pressure to keep up appearances and fulfill expectations that they sometimes found hard to adjust to. It had gotten easier over time, but sometimes Alex still looked to George to figure out how to act or react.   
Alex watched George push himself up to sit on a waist-high brick wall, looking down onto the small village they had visited that day. The sun was shining and both were in shorts and t-shirts. Alex continued to take pictures on his phone, a few snapshots of the landscape, of George, a selfie with the other in the background. He pushed his phone back into the little bag he was carrying and watched George until the other noticed.  
George smiled and Alex stepped closer, settling right between George’s spread thighs and wrapping both arms around his hips. George in turn rested his elbows on Alex’s shoulders and kissed his forehead. They stayed like that, enjoying the gentle breeze that ruffled their hair and the sound of birds and rustling leaves working their magical calming effect. It was nice, not being worried about being seen.  
“You know what I’ve been thinking?” George asked.  
“That we shouldn’t have left the hotel room?” Alex suggested.  
George chuckled. “Yeah, that too.”  
“What were you thinking about?” Alex asked, head placed comfortable against George’s chest, listening to his calm heartbeat.   
“Next year for Christmas we should have them all come to our place, together, instead of repeating this planning hell,” George’s voice was calm, but his arms tightened a bit around Alex’s shoulders.  
“Our place?” Alex parroted.  
George hummed his affirmation.  
Alex pulled back a little so he could look into George’s face. “Are you asking to move in together?”  
George pressed his lips together, his brows furrowing a little, “Maybe?” He gave a little shrug, “I’m only asking if you want to.”  
Alex grinned, “I would love that.”  
“I wasn’t sure you’d want to, implications and all…” George cupped Alex’s face and ran his thumbs over his cheekbones.  
“I think I don’t care, if that means I get to be with you all the time.”   
Alex took a step back, so George could hop off the wall, but immediately crowded into his space as soon as the other’s feet were on the ground. He pushed George back against the wall and kissed him.   
After a moment George pulled away, laughing delightedly, “You might want to stop before we get arrested for public indecency.” They were pressed very closely against each other and it did not fail to have an effect.  
Alex grinned, “Well, at least that would take one decision out of our hands...”  
George pecked his lips before he moved from Alex’s embrace, “I like your practical thinking.”  
Alex gave a dramatic sigh, “It would probably reach everyone else before we would notice though, so yeah, I guess we better not provoke anything.”  
“I also prefer to spend my holiday with you without any interruptions, thanks.”   
They linked hands for a moment, then continued on the hiking trail they had picked for the day.  
They had agreed on a rather busy travel schedule, to make sure they would actually leave the hotel room. Because spending a whole week together in one room, with one bed seemed like exactly the thing they wanted to do. But explaining to your families over Christmas dinner why there were no holiday photos was something they didn’t feel up to, yet.   
Over the last months something had become clear though; neither of them wanted to keep up the hide-and-seek game they were playing with their colleagues, teams and – in the long term – the media. Being constantly on guard was certainly not going to be beneficial for their on-track performances. Though neither wanted their performances to be viewed with a different scope or judged on a scale that had nothing to do with racing either, so there had been a lot of serious conversations about that. Maybe it was about time to stop being scared. They should probably warn their families though. And also plan ahead with their management. And… it all seemed so much work for something that really shouldn’t get more than an ‘ah, okay’ reaction anymore.   
It made George angry sometimes, but then he looked at Alex and knew whatever happened, whatever the reaction would be, he could take it, being with Alex was worth it.   
They could handle this – step by step.

*  
George boarded the plane.   
He didn’t know why he had a different flight than Alex this time, but at least it was only a short one-hour flight. Usually they flew together after he had discreetly asked his team to book their flights like that. He had needed embarrassingly long to hype himself up to do it, but in the end there hadn’t even been a raised eyebrow at his request.   
George sat down and felt his phone vibrate in his hand a few times, he reflexively checked his messages.  
From Alex: Went to the book store to pass some time  
From Alex: Might have embarrassed myself by laughing loudly  
He then had attached a picture.  
George felt a laugh bubble up as well and was unable to keep it in.   
The picture showed two books, one of them titled ‘George’ in rainbow letters the other was called ‘how to be gay’ also with a large rainbow themed cover.   
To Alex: Should have found them a few years ago, love, I think I figured it out by myself now  
George leaned back in his seat. A few years ago this picture would have sent him into panic overdrive though. How far he had come since then. He felt happy. The phone vibrated again.  
From Alex: Yeah, I think you’re doing pretty good  
George caught the flight attendant’s gaze and he motioned for him to switch the phone off.  
To Alex: Love you  
He switched his phone to flight-mode and slipped it back into his bag.

*

“We can do this,” George stated.  
Alex nodded then took hold of George’s wrist. “Hey, George?”  
“Yes?”  
“When I claimed spending the rest of my life with you was the worst thing I could imagine… I lied,” Alex squeezed George’s slightly sweaty hand in his. “The worst thing would be to not get to spend the rest of my life with you.” 

*  
The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, I did stumble across the books mentioned while I was in the process of writing it and took it as a sign from the universe that I was doing the right thing. If I knew how to add a photo I would have loved to share it. As you can see by not seeing the photo, I don't, feel free to point out to me how it works ;)

**Author's Note:**

> I want to publish a new chapter at least each Sunday and Wednesday. (depends a little on my own impatience, I guess.  
> The first chapter is rather short, they will get longer though.
> 
> Feedback is always welcome. <3


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